He taught me. Ruined me. Made me.

I am an 18 year old senior in high school. I am in a very serious long term relationship with my boyfriend who is also a senior. We have been together for 2 years and 6 months. He is so unique, and interesting. Even to this day, when I spend every waking moment with him, and I know everything about him... he is still so intriguing. We are very much in love but we have had problems, even before the official relationship started. He had this thing that he did.. Where he talks to girls from chatrooms online.. and disguises his actual identity.. personality as well. He stopped completely... for almost a year as far as I know. I bought him a new cellphone for Christmas 2011.. and viola! Heartbreak was my thanks! I didnt find out about him talking to them again until late January. (not going into detail how) So I wrote him a letter about how he was no good for me.. and that I deserved better. I broke up with him. It lasted about a week.. and I ran back into his arms.. as he convinced me that he was willing to give that up for me.. who was far more important in his eyes. So.. as of late it seems like it's getting worse. He's started going partying, drinking, getting high. Two things he knows that i DO NOT approve of. He stopped giving me a lot of attention.. and not nearly as much affection. He is very attractive. He seemed interested in other girls...I was sure he was gone for good. So I set him free and we broke up again. We cried together. Tried to comfort each other... as we both were heartbroken. He kept asking me "How could the love that we built together.. the dreams and future we made.. be torn down so easily?" Of course I asked myself the same questions. We thought we had lost touch of each other.. That it was all over. I basically starved myself for weeks, as silly as it may seem, I had no appetite without him. I gave him a bag. A bag full of things that reminded me of him. I wrote a letter to go with it.. which included each item.. and every happy memory that item brought us and a choice "If you feel like you can change; or if you have changed.. bring the bag back to me.. No matter if it is 50 years from now if there is no us, I have no use for these items.." Since we were still very best friends.. I slid by his house one day with 3 chocolate chip cookies.. not really expecting anything. When I came into his room he jumped up. He asked me if I had been okay. I obviously was not, the depression had literally made me anorexic. When I replied "NO" he held me, and kissed my forehead. I sat up.He gave me the bag back.I was so shocked and happy.. i really didnt know what to do. We hugged each other really tight. It felt like a dream to me, he is my dream.
Well today, we had s** for the first time (both virgins).
I felt so close to him afterwards.. I'm afraid he may hurt me again sooner or later though. And I just gave him something I can never take back. I really dont know how to feel right now. I love him so much. But I'm so afraid. and I believe that deep down.. he is too.

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  • I have only one thing to say... a leopard never changes his spots. You must choose for yourself but make sure you really think about the harm this relationship brings you and decide whether you are strong enough to allow his behaviour to keep hurting you.

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