Going back and forth

Years have gone by, but I still have feeling for my first love. We were in college, together for three years and then everything was over, with lots of doubts and insecurities. The summer following our breakup, I went back home through a lonesome car trip by myself, over 2000 miles just and in my car. I was hoping that would clear me up, but it was worse than ever; just me, my thoughts and the phantoms of years past.
As I said, years have gone by, she went on, so did I. Sometime ago we met each other and slept together. I was (am) single, just having gone through another breakup, I thought she was too, but as it turns out, she was still with the same guy she got together months after we broke up. She told me things were not working out and I thought she was going to end things with him. Not a chance.
Anyhow, now, at years' distance, all those feelings have rushed back, stronger, deeper and more profund than ever. I'm trying to cope with the situation as best as I can, but I feel just like when we broke up. I think of her when I wake up and when I go to bed and every resting moment of the day.
About a week ago, I saw her and tried to kiss her but she said she needed to think and that things were not going well with... him. I refused to listen and walked away. I have heard from her, from time to time, in the last few days, but with very superficial conversation about anything that doesn't go beyond the weather.
At the end of the summer she will leave for an assignment abroad and I will have my own workings, but the end result will be that we will be apart again.

This is, as the title of the site says, a confession. Anyone is free to write and opinion. I just ask to be respectful of the matter.

Thank you.

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