Stupid stereotypical teenage angst
You all probably think I’m a troll. Living alone has made me restless and I frequently pace my room while twirling objects. I like to live in my own world but even there I often avoid people or people avoid me (even I find that ironic). I think I’m losing my grip on reality. I barricade myself in my room whenever I’m not in school. It’s currently summer.
I am almost 18 but I have no interest in any career whatsoever. I would rather die than live with my parents longer than necessary. I don’t have any friends anymore. I cut all connections to my old friends. I think they gave up on me. Making new friends is out of the question because I can’t function properly in any form of social situation. Everyone I have ever met has characterized me as a super loser/ghetto drug addict because of my race and appearance and they let me know that’s how they see me. I have repeatedly tried to alter my appearance to change this but nothing works. Girls think I’m ugly or weird. I can’t blame them because I am ugly and weird but they could keep their opinions to themselves.
Nobody knows how I feel. My parents like to provoke me because their lives probably sucked even more than mine. No one is helping me and I can’t help myself. I have a long family history of mental instability and I might be a hypochondriac. Chances are im autistic. I also over react to things. I’ve tried to find comfort in many religions but I end up even more sad and scared. I love videogames but I find it impossible to interact with other videogame nerds. I struggle to make eye contact with people, and people notice. I am going to die alone.