Stupid stupid stupid

I feel like i'm losing my mind. i've never even met him. not spoken to him once. he could be a terrible person. he could be boring or rude or annoying or ignorant or bigoted -- but the funny thing is that i'm the one who's terrible. because i'm the one who's shallow enough to want him anyway.

his eyes crinkle when he smiles. he's short. he takes bathroom mirror photos of himself. i think he must know how handsome he is.

i want to tell him anyway. i want to tell him how beautiful his big brown eyes are. i want to tell him that he has a killer smile.

i want to talk to him. i want him to know that his goofy band's stupid music saved my life.

i want him to say perfect things to me, in such perfect words that i could only dream of putting together. i want to sing a song for him, though i'd never be able to choose which one.

i want him.

but more than that, i want to feel this way for someone in "real life". i want some affirmation that my ex didn't break me completely.

because it's been a while and i still feel like i'm stuck picking up the pieces.

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