I have so much guilt
I've cheated on every single one of my boyfriends. I despise myself for it. I have no friends, just guys who talk to me because they want to f*** me. When a guy compliments me I cling to that and feed off of it, then it gets out of control. When I date guys the relationship gets dull after 6 months or so. They stop being affectionate, they hardly talk to me and pay me next to know attention. Then a different guy comes along, compliments me and before I know it I'm being asked out and despite the fact that I know I have a boyfriend I say yes anyway.
I'm in a relationship that has been going on for almost 9 months. I never see him. He doesn't call me, he doesn't text me. We go days before I hear from him. If I bring up the problem he doesn't seem to do anything about it, or even care, or even notice that there is a problem.
If I tell any of the guys who talk to me that I have a boyfriend they never talk to me again. Other than that, people just don't talk to me. I try to be as polite as possible. I don't think that I have such a horrible exterior that people are too disgusted/afraid to talk to me. The only time I get social interactions outside of work and college is with my parents, and even so it's pretty limited.
When I say that I've cheated I've really just gone on dates with other guys, I haven't had s** with them. But I've flirted and done all the things a normal single girl would do on a date. I was also in an online relationship.