Not alone, but Lonely

I just need to get this off of my chest so I can go to sleep tonight without feeling the need to cry over myself like I so often do.
I am not alone in this world...but I certainly feel lonely. I have two parents who try to contact me at least once a week to make sure I'm doing okay. I have, over the years, finally made some friends that I hope to make last until my final breath, or at least for a while, if nothing else. I even have a loving boyfriend - one who, regardless of the fact that we're in a long-distance relationship, loves me unconditionally, and has proven that love for nearly 2 years now. So, with all of these people in my life, why do I feel so lonely?
Well, there's the long-distance relationship, of course. I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to date him. We see each other on Christmas, but that's truly about it. And this year, he's informed me that he'll be extremely busy, so I won't be able to talk to him nearly as much as I'm used to, and nearly as much as I'd like...so there's that.
I guess now that I've thought long and hard over it for nearly a year now, I've come to realize that I simply don't enjoy being alone. I'm an introverted person, but I always feel comfortable around friendly people. I can't get enough of listening to their conversations, pitching in at times, and simply being around people - but I can hardly make friends with people...those that I do call friends I hardly get to see as well. I just don't like to be left alone. I'm constantly trying to find new people to talk to, but 90% of them end up being fraud...
So why am I so lonely if I make such a point to not be alone? I guess I'm just THAT insecure with myself...
I don't know how this site works, and I honestly don't really care. But if I end up receiving hateful comments toward this post from you, I'm not going to curse you out. I'm not going to tell you to jump off a cliff. But I will tell you that your insensitivity is a disgusting thing.
Have a wonderful evening...

Sep 11, 2012

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