She was perfect. I ruined her.
I had found my match. She was it. I was the only thing she cared and thought about. It was so obvious, I knew it. My mistake was thinking that she was always going to feel the same way no matter how I treated her. I remember testing her, over and over again... it was a big game to me. To get her to cry, to show me that she cared about me on command. Her heart was pure. She needed love, dedication. I had found what every man is looking for, what every man would kill to have.
Then, years later, the person inside was no longer there. Instead, it was the beat down, broken hearted person. A person who hated me, I can see it in her eyes. It was late, too late by this point. My test finally had an answer, yes, she had limits too. Surprise.
I was sick for almost a year. I deserved every inch of it and even now I still think were not even. Why I did what I did, who knows... I have no answer. If I could take it back, i'd like to believe that I would in a heart beat.
She's not innocent anymore, lol, far from it. She went a bit crazy, extremely selfish, cold, snaps at people.... it's sad. I dont know which is worse, knowing that we could never be or knowing that the amazing person is gone. If the attitude was only towards me I would understand, but its not. Sad really, I feel 100% responsible. I kicked her down, stomped on her and thought about myself the whole time.
Karma is definitely a b****, I've been paying for this for almost 2 years now. If I truly deserve what I put in, I'm barely cross the halfway point.
Guys, b****** are everywhere. Disposable, reusable, willing... But none of them can get to your heart like you know who can. Be the bigger man and apologize, show her that you are different, that you can listen, that you have patience, that you are committed, that you can take care of her and that she can count on you no matter what. Don't beat someone down because believe me, you WILL get what you put in, its not a theory, its physics. I understand this now, which is why I accept everything thats happened and will happen to me.
Be good to them, you'll find that people like that are not easy to replace.
Pass on peace and love. Smile and give positive energy. Your ego will get you far, far behind.
I'm sorry bb. I'll make sure that something good can come from our time together. I accept everything. I am at fault. I must pay. I will pay.
Thanks for making me a better man.