I'm an adult now and she can still hurt me

Everyone thinks my mom is the nicest person, she has a friendly larger than life personality when other people are around. She beat me throughout my childhood, she raised me by herself and taught me to be an excellent liar. I used to and still do get her out of alot of things. But my childhood was like walking on eggshells cause she can flip like a switch when nobody is there to see it. I was about 7 and so sick I was halucinating and having trouble breathing and she flew into my room and ripped me out of bed yelling at me for waking her up and to stop breathing weird then left. If I dropped something she would dump me on the floor and kick me in the stomach grab my hair and shove my face into the floor like she did when the animals had an accident on the carpet.Finally she found a t-shirt which hadn't been cleaned properly in my drawer I was 13 at which point she strangled me lifted my entire body up and slammed against the corner of our bathroom wall repeatedly until I saw stars, then she dropped and just kept hitting me and screaming until she walked away and I left. CPS was called after I accidentally told a friend part of what happened and they took me away. But my mom couldn't survive without me to love her. My grandmother didn't want me at her house and just dropped me off one day and CPS signed it all off. I left home when I was 18. She didn't hit me hard again between 13 and 18. But now she tells people about the horrible thing I did to her when I was 13 and how could anyone think that she a genuinely nice person would ever do that to a child that I was just an awful teenager (didn't party, have s** or do much drugs - I liked reading and doing my homework - weird but not awful). CPS only ever found out half the story of the one incident I never told about the years of abuse because my mom was threatening suicide and killing my pets which still lived with her. To this day she still expects me to pick up the peices of her life. I have a daughter of my own now and no matter what she does I could never hurt her if someone even raises their voice around her I get very protective. Just recently I disagreed with my mom on something small regarding how i would raise my daughter who I was holding at the time so she stuck a metal spoon on the stove element and then held it against the bare skin on my back. My husband almost drove 4 hours back to my mothers house when I finally told him on a trip to see his family but I have not let him say or do anything for fear that my mom will kill herself or tell my family lies about me and my husband (she does this to get her way has even dobbed people into autorities when they haven't done anything).he now wants to look after my daughter and is getting depressed that I haven't let her do this yet. How do I protect my daughter and my mom?

Oct 19, 2012

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  • I have a crazy mother too, and left when I was 16 - with CPS's approval. I never looked back. I ended the relationship with her, forever - at a counselor's advice actually. You should consider the same. Think about this - what is it you expect from her? What do you want from her? And then ask yourself - do you really think she is capable of giving that to you? Having a relationship with her is causing you so much more harm than good. Some people will say,"but it's your MOTHER", but they don't understand. They only know THEIR mother. You won't get what you want from your relationship with her - ever. I would say goodbye to her and grieve the ending of the relationship - as if she had died. I know that sounds harsh but...I know I'd still be jumping at my mother's whim and taking her manipulative abuse. It's worth the once-in-awhile wondering "I wonder what if..." for a lifetime of peace.

  • Thanks. She has been trying to tell me that I am being overprotective and crazy for not letting her look after my daughter. And I kinda needed to hear from someone other than my husband that what she does isn't ok but nobody else ever knew. This helped so much.

  • Move far far far away from your mother. Like 1000s of miles, state borders far. Don't tell anyone anything (about moving, your mom, nothing). If she finds you again then contact authorities & get a restraining order. In the meantime, go to a therapist/psychiatrist/ psychologist & talk to them about these things (they might even help you w/ repressed memory tactics etc). Even if you don't believe they'll help, if your mother ever does try to pursue you thru authorities or the law the sessions will serve as better proof of what happened instead of your word against hers.

  • You mom is a nut. Look out for your daughter.

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