I'll never tell...

Over a year ago during summer I got high for the two weeks my boyfriend was away at his school's orientation. I lied to him. He doesn't like me to smoke or drink or party or anything like that. Yes, he is somewhat of a control freak. While he was away, he ignored me the whole time. He was too busy of course but he didn't talk to me at all. I smoked and drank and he never even really had a clue. One of the nights I smoked with my only other ex boyfriend. I got so high and my ex started to kiss me. First I stopped him but I hadn't seen the guy in so long and I was in all honesty curious. So I kissed back then things escalated and I wanted to stop but I didn't I just sort of laid there and he had s** with me but i sort of just closed my eyes and wished he'd come quickly. It was so bad his p**** felt so much skinnier then my boyfriends. He provide no pleasure at all but I'm friends with the guy and I think I didn't want to hurt his feelings. when he was done I just rolled over and wished it all to have been a dream but when i woke up he was still there. It has been and will always be my most regretted night. It's something no one will know. I have since blocked his number and ceased any contact. I'm determined to keep this secret forever it was the stupidest time of my life. Every time my boyfriend does something that upsets me I think of this night and I forgive him because I know he could be doing worse things. Like lying and cheating on me. I hate myself.


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  • That's why he doesn't like you getting drunk and high- girls turn into s**** when they do just like you did. You should tell your BF the truth about what you did and let him decide if he still wants you. It's not fair to make a guy think he is getting a decent giurl if he is getting a s***.

  • I disagree. Telling him will only hurt him at this point. You should learn to forgive yourself. You shouldn't have done it true, but you did and you can't change the past. You learned from your mistake and have changed. You should move forward and stop treating yourself so bad over it. If you were my wife, I wouldn't want you to tell me and I wouldn't want to know.

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