I've always been madly in love with my boyfriend, but from the beginning it seemed like he trailed behind me a little in terms of affection. I was happy beyond measure when he told me loved me. I was crushed beyond belief when, about 10 months later, he told me that he sometimes didn't mean it when he said it.
He's since told me to forget it all, and I believe he does care for me, but I can't help thinking now that I'm just always a little bit more in love with him than he is with me. That I miss him a little more than he misses me. That I look forward to him more than he does me.
I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm relieved that he's honest enough to tell me. On the other, I now can't help but second-guess everything.
I've been sexual with him once since it happened, and at the end I guess he was too tired or just forgot to say "I love you", but it stung and for the first time I felt like it was a huge mistake to give myself to him like that.