Hope for my sanity for the first time
Today I found out that I have OCD. Obsessive thoughts.
I've had it since I was in first grade.
I witnessed a classmate pee in her pants as the teacher said 'no' to her multiple times as she asked and begged if she could go to the bathroom.
I was standing right behind the girl as it happened.
I began to obsess about that happening to me.
Being embarrassed. Being laughed at.
MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DAYS WERE H*** AS I BEGAN TO WET MY OWN PANTS BECAUSE OF THIS.
It's been a long road.
Meditation saved my sanity. And marijuana was helping my thoughts long before I realized.
I finally sat down and talked to someone about all of this. Today I finally confessed all of this. It had been eating away at my sanity.
I finally had the comfort of that someone telling me that I have suffered for sometime.
And I have to say, that's the biggest weight off my shoulders.
Like it justified the 15 years of torture and worry I had to endure from my own brain. My own thoughts.
I know I still have to deal with this. And it is a very long road.
BUT I FEEL FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME FROM THIS TODAY.
I FEEL HOPE FOR MY SANITY.