I don't even know.

I'm so f***** up right now. I'm not acting like myself and sometimes I like it but sometimes, like right now, I really don't. I've turned into a s**** who has fooled around with 2 guys within a week of eachother and then made out with another guy a week later. Before these three I kissed 2 different guys who were my boyfriends and that was over the course of 2 years. What the h*** is wrong with me?! When it's happening I don't mind the male attention but when they're gone I feel like a fool. I'm basically cheating on my guy friend because we're practically dating. I think in his mind I am his girlfriend I'm just not sure if I want him to be my boyfriend. F*** me. To top it all off I have a 12 page paper I need to write but have absolutely zero desire to do so. I never used to be like this! I was quiet and got my work done. Now I go and smoke and drink with a bunch of guys I don't know and end up making out and fooling around with them. I almost want my old self back. but now I think I've gained a new reputation from some of these people. I'm the easy girl who you can make out with just for fun or have shower parties with. Like f*** me. I need to f****** focus and get my s*** together. Forget all the mistakes I've made and just move on and get myself together before I make a mistake that can't be fixed.

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  • What you actually need to do is stop worrying about enjoying yourself. If the making out is fun, do it. If the partying is fun, do that. If the s** is fun, do more. Or do all of them. Be with as many different guys as you want, as long as they treat you decently and don't harm you. Just make sure you are actually enjoying it and not engaging in the behavior in order to accomplish some other goal. Life is short. S** is for fun. Enjoy the guys and use them to please yourself.

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