I think i need help, cant continue the way i am..
I swear every relationship i have ends in disaster..
It all started about a year ago when i broke up with this guy i had been with for just over a year, this was my first real relationship and tore me apart. my way of coping was looking for attention in the wrong places from the wrong type of people. Im not a vain person but I know I never lack male attention in the way i look and that had a big impact as obviously the s** is all these guys ever wanted. About 9 months later i started seeing someone who i met through my best friend, once again this turned out to be a total disaster, we rushed into things and he ended up killing me also.
Now, heres the thing, recently this guy called Matt has got in touch with me over facebook. He was a couple years older than me in high school and i always remember l****** over him at these times lool. so it seemed unreal that, now leaving school we started talking. This all happened about a month ago and we met up for the first time, now, he is absolutely gorgeous in my eyes, ginger, muscular posture and the cutest dimples i have ever seen however i know he isnt everyones type therefore isnt always fighting off the ladies if that makes sense. But he ended up spending the hole weekend with me (nothing happened) but we just clicked. All through that next week he came to surprise me ect ect. Heres the thing, he has only recently come out of a relationship and he now claims that he wants to take things slow with me.. i know deep down he wish he met me in a couple months time so he could have his single life back for bit..
Trying to concentrate on my studies is impossible. i get emotional so easily and shut down. i self harm by scratching my forehead and no one can hope with me. i spoke to my mum about everything and the last year she has seen me in suicidal frames of mind and its all because i am unable to control my emotions.
I seem the be in this cycle of bad luck but this time things have gone too far, i sit here alone trying to meet this deadline tomorrow but i physically cant, i cant help but want matt here.. but it doesnt happen as i know his feelings for me arnt as strong (found this out today as i confronted him)...
How do i cope? :(