I Just want her to be happy, is it so bad?

I'll try and be brief about a dilemma I have concerning my wife and I and a decision I have to make that I don't want to affect our unconventional relationship. I'd appreciate advice form the hip esp. from married women about what I propose to offer her and how they would feel if their husband said the same.

My wife and have been married for 27 yrs. Due to varying reasons (pre dominantly my health) it has been sexless for ten, however I do feel we are close and have a real connection. We talk about almost everything hair, nails, clothes and she has told her other female friends I am her BEST friend. I have heard people call me effeminate behind my back and their right it seems natural to me I can't help myself, but I am not gay, I just like things that are girlie, I don't dress up but cant deny that when I have seen sometimes how pretty my wife has looked, when dressing for work or to go out, I have felt slightly jealous and have been tempted. I do all the housework and like to read ladies magazines.

I am aware she has had affairs during those ten years (understandably so) but it has always remained a closed issue, we just don't talk about the subject. They have been few but have happened. She is due to go away with her boss on a "course" to Antigua in a couple of months which I am almost certain is not a course but a holiday as the guy concerned is originally from that region.

I want to change the dynamic, I want to be able to talk to her about her lovers, I want to go shopping with her for dresses, underwear and swimsuits, I want to be excited with her about the upcoming holiday, I want her to be open and honest with her BEST friend. But its just a closed book breaching the subject is a totally taboo issue and I don't understand why.

Sometimes I feel that this issue could ultimately be the biggy for our relationship and may just split us up if she's not honest with me. How can I get through to her that what she's done, is doing and is going to do is OK, I love her like a best friend should.


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  • Your perspective on this is really commendable. It kind of makes me wonder if you might have some gender issues at heart? If so, it's okay. I hope that you can have a heart-to-heart with your wife and she can understand that you are okay with the changes that your relationship is taking, and that you just want upfront honesty. It really is okay. I just hope she can accept it and be open about it. Best of luck. <3

  • I am a guy, but here is my input. You need to sit her down and tell her you need to have a serious talk. Tell her you understand that she has physical needs that you cannot meet, and you understand that she is getting those needs met elsewhere, and that it is fine with you (I assume it is). But what you cannot suffer is her lying to you, and that if she continues to do it, that will probably mean the end of the relationship. I can understand if she doesn't want you to be part of the planning of her s** trip to Antigua, but tell her you are upset with her not being truthful, and that you are afraid that means she is getting emotionally involved with her lover, and that you will not put up with that. Stand your ground and make sure she realizes that you are serious.

    And yes, the trip to Antigua is not for a class. They could find a class closer to home. I am concerned that he is taking her home to meet his family, and if that is the case, your marriage may already be over. Good luck.

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