so after both of us pointedly avoiding

so after both of us pointedly avoiding the obvious, talking circles around it, for months on end, i can at least tell myself i finally just told her, without the vagueness, the hesistance and indirect references. Good or bad, she knows.

Sure, it's a relief....But what now? what are we headed toward? what do i hope to achieve? most of all...why her? even on good days i border closely on antisocial and grouchy, and it's a miracle i'm even married. But i am. So how did it come to this?

Hopefully clarity will come tomorrow when we can finally talk about it all face to face. I still don't know what to expect. Or what i want going forward, really. I do know that if she were willing, i'd have a damned hard time saying no.

it could be perfect. it could be intolerably uncomfortable and frustrating. All i can say right now is f*** it, this is one thing i'm not going to look back on and wonder what if.

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