Scared I will Never Get a White Woman Pregnant

I am sure you know by now and I am dying to know:)

its a real long explaination and i think i am still too upset to say it all. everything sort of blew up on super bowl sunday. that was the day i was going to tell vontay about what i wanted and i was so sure he would want it too but that is not what happened. we never did even get together even though we were supposed to. he called me with some total ** ** about why he couldnt come to my place when my bf was at work like normal and while we was talking i asked him if him and my mom were trying for kids and he said yes but i think it was only because he thought i alread knew everything else. he said they were having trouble because of miscarriage my mom had while they were dating before she left my dad. i ddnt know nothing about that but he said that a part of the problem now was a d&c she had after the baby got miscarried. anyway they are both taking some kind of drugs to help her get knocked up and the doctor said that he should stop any other ** or maserbating he was having or doing until mom gets knocked. so not only am i not going to be lucky to have him start breeding me i am not going to be getting any of his ** and probably for a long time. the first few days wwere horrible and i was crying all the time. then i went to their house when i knew mom wouldnt be there to try to seduce him into at least sexing me but he said he wouldnt do me until mom was insiminated and they knew the baby wasnt going to go away again like the one they made while she was still with my dad. it was while i was there that i realized the reason i was having so much trouble is that i love vontay more than anybody ever in my life but i couldnt say it to him then. and then i realized that i want soooooo bad for him to love me too. that's part of why i want his babies so much, its not all just the ** itself and how ** i think it is for white girls to be owned by black men. i mean the sexiness of it is super important but part of it is just love.

So Vontay and your mom have been at it since before the divorce,uh! I am sorry to hear that your mom had a miscarriage.I wish her the best and hope that she gets knocked up soon.Their anxiety may be high right now and I hope the meds work and they get blessed with a baby.I have heard that its better for a guy to abstain from having ** with other women while trying to get one woman pregnant.You sound very determined to have kids with Vontay.I think that determination will get you to achieve your goal.You may need to be patient and give your mom a chance first,Rome was not build in a day.Your chance will come before you know it.Just respect his wish so that he does not resent you and change his mind. Thanks for the lengthy explanation it was loaded with great details.

i'm glad you said that about guys being told by doctors to abstain when their trying to knock up one particular girl because now i at least know for sure that he wasnt ** lying to me about it and just trying to shut me up or to quit ** me. he is really smart and sometimes that can be kinda intimidating especially with a man that has so much ** power over you at the same time. i had really thought that if mom was having trouble making a baby that it would help me to be able to give him one instead and i hoped i could of used that against her with him and maybe even be the only mother of his kids, even if all the pregnancies have to be in secret. i know he loves ** me more than her so i thought it would make him want to knock up somebody he knows can get knocked up for him. i think there is something else happening to keep that from coming true but i dont know what it is. i asked aunt vanessa if she knew they were trying and having trouble and she said yes like she had before but then she made like a joke to say that she wasnt surprised because vontay had probably been ** all of mom's ** organs to mush with that giant ** ** of his. like i said i dont know if she and vontay were ever together-together but there was something about the way she said "that giant ** ** of his" that made me think she knew about "that giant ** ** of his" in a personal way. or maybe i'm just starting to be paranoid about all this. i really just want von to be free to come back to me and for him to want to knock me up. i would rather it be that i was the only one that he breeds but i guess it doesnt really have to be that way. i think von may be the first man i have ever really loved. wouldnt that be incredible......