Ok. Here is my problem.
I have a newish friend. Known her about two years. Become closer and closer that whole time. Been pretty close for about a year now, and the last 6 months we’ve become very good friends. Nights out, texts and so on. Get on with her better than with anyone else, pretty much.
I’ve always fancied her a bit, but recently she’s all I can think about. I have fallen in love with her. This is a massive problem for lots of reasons.
I have a girlfriend. I have been with her a very long time. I love her still. The thought of hurting her kills me. I don’t want to be without her. I can’t stop thinking about my friend though. I know I can’t have both. I shouldn’t have either.
Problem one: I have to live with a constant guilt. I love my girlfriend but I don’t give her the attention she deserves any more. She is too good for me. I can’t live without her, but I can’t have both.
Problem two: My friend is just that and that only. I’ve waited years to have a close female friend, I finally get one and I fall in love with her. I want to go back to being just friends. Maybe I’ve always felt this way, and was hoping that when I got to know her better it would fade. It hasn’t though.It’s started to show and people are noticing. I can’t keep a lid on it and I have everything to lose.
Problem 3. My friend has a boyfriend. I like him. He’s a great guy. An extra bit of guilt there.
Problem 4. My friend doesn’t fancy me. I don’t think. She likes me a lot, but none of the signals are there. Why do I love her so much then? My girlfriend and other friends think she does a bit, but they don’t know her.
Problems 1 and 4 are the main ones. The sensible thing would be to slowly move away from my friend. But every day we are getting closer. I don’t want to lose her, but I have. It’s a friendship built on false ground. It’s only a matter of time until she notices that I love her too.
Love is the most powerful feeling in the world. Imagine that, doubled.
Couple that with searing guilt about my unfaithful and adulterous thoughts. I can’t promise I won’t cheat. In many ways I already have, with every thought. 100 times a day. Finally, there’s no greater pain than unrequited love. I feel shallow and unloved, even though both love me in very different ways.
Two amazing girls in my life, most people would kill for one. I can’t be happy though. Whatever happens I will probably end up without one of them, probably both if I can’t forget my friend. If only I was happy to keep my friend as just that. What do I do?