4 Years Wasted?

I've been in a dating relationship with the same guy for 4 years as of this weekend, but lately I've been having my doubts about how much he truly loves and cares about me, if at all. He's incredibly loyal, which is almost impossible to find in a partner these days, and says the sweetest things, but that may be part of the problem. Because in spite of his honeyed words, lately I've noticed more and more that he doesn't back it up with action. And words on their own are beginning to feel more empty and meaningless. This weekend is our anniversary, and even though money's a little tight for me right now, I bought him a fairly expensive gift, relative to my budget, in part because he had been dropping hints about my gift. I should probably preface this with the fact that I am an avid reader, and I usually love books, but... He gave me three books that I had already read because I borrowed them FROM HIM a few months ago, and then gave them back when I was done. It was completely and utterly thoughtless. He didn't even try. His excuse was that 'he forgot' that I had read them already. Nevermind that he didn't actually get me anything. And while he promised to take me to the mall and let me pick something out, it's not the same. Because I want a gift from the heart, not a shopping trip at his expense. Maybe if this were an isolated incident, I would be okay, but more and more I've been feeling like this relationship is one-sided. And while I don't want to throw it away, I don't know how long I can carry on feeling this way.

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  • For men actions speak louder than words and he's speaking to you loud and clear. Make a list of everything he's done over the past few months that made you feel like he didn't care. Focus on specific event like the anniversary gift. Then sit down with him and explain that over the past few months you've been getting the feeling he not as invested in the relationship as he used to be. When he asks why you can go down your list. Remember to stay calm. This is not an accusation, you are explaining what you feel and why you feel that way. In the end there may be nothing you can do. You can't control how someone else feels but one way or another you need to find out where he is in the relationship so you can move forward, with or without him.

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