My self esteem and happiness is in the gutter

I haven't felt this low in years, my partner is fantastic 30% of the time and the rest he's angry, spiteful, arrogant, chauvinistic, a total f****** d***, I even started self harming to get some kind of release, I haven't done that since I was 15! Not that's he's noticed or cared enough to notice, I just choked at the dinner table and he continued eating his food, apparently I couldn't respond anyway so why say anything, f*** me, I really must think I'm a worthless piece of s*** to accept this as what I deserve, did you know that two questions counts as nagging, for that I was given 2hours of being shouted at and belittled, every other day is a day of being spoken to like s***, when did I allow this? He doesn't even f*** me good, I haven't came in nearly 3weeks as he's been too busy gaming till 2am on this brilliant new game to even touch me, he only wants to f*** when it's convenient for him, he'd rather do what he wants with the boys and skip f****** me than make the time to be affectionate with me so I'll f*** or blow him, he's a selfish child that doesn't want to be a man, he even has the cheek to wonder why I don't initiate anything sexual with him anymore, as I used to have a high s** drive, is he f****** kidding me? I used to get it and want it whenever I could, he's depleted my s** drive though, I don't even hardly bother with p*** anymore, I used to be in kink relationships for f*** sake! Psychological abuse is something I learned to deal with as a child, he's the man I didn't ever want to be brought down by again and here I am, cycles repeat themselves, how do I take our dog and so we can live in calm and happiness? No one deserves this, no one deserves to feel like they can't put up with another day, I'm not scared of him, I'm just ashamed I continue to put up with this, this isn't the person I want to be, he doesn't make me a better person, he makes me someone I don't want to be, he's currently mad at me and ignoring me for not being over the two days of s*** he gave me already, practicing a love song about a guy that loves someone and wants to treat them better, listening to him doing that while typing this, oh the f****** irony, Prince Charming can just as easily be your worst nightmare, proceed with caution, he was everything I wanted and everything I still want when I first met him, now he's only that person when it suits him, bullshit, it's all bullshit

Nov 8, 2017

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  • Find a new special person. My wife was just emotionally killing me. Took me years to realise I was actually normal. Huge weight off me to realise. Found a gf. Wow feel so much better. I moved into another room. Suddenly she's woken up that if she does not take an interest in me then I'll just leave.

    I think you should think about leaving. You might find more self value if you do. And make it free to find a new lover.

  • Run Run Run, do NOT get pregnant by him. Run Run Run

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