Going through the motions

I am in the middle of a divorce. Actually it's more of I'm towards the latter half of my divorce, yet my soon-to-be-ex-wife thinks we're just barely talking about it now. I've already checked myself out of this marriage 9 years ago, but only stayed in it to take care of our kids, home, suburban life, family image and parents' good names. Only in the last year had I finally decided to stick to my guns and push for this divorce.

My wife knows she neglected me for almost the entire marriage of almost 15 years. I fought for us for the first 5 years, but then I became disillusioned after the um-teenth fight over the seemingly same issues. Someone famous said, "people don't change", and I truly believe that. Sure they might adapt to a situation to get by, but in the end, they revert back to their same old self. And so now she knows I'm serious about divorcing and ready to call this quits, she wants to work it out. But this time for real. Uh-huh. But I guess since I've been talking to someone and she overheard me talking to this other person, does she see the threat as real.

Ok so I talked to my parents and I want their support, but my mom wants me to try to work things out. After all these years of me griping about my tumultuous marriage to my parents and them pledging their support if it all comes to an end, NOW they want me to work things out? WTF?

So here I am, trying to get out of my marriage, but how can I, in the easiest way possible without doing too much damage emotionally or psychologically? Is it even possible? Do I go through the counseling sessions, again, as I've already been to numerous? If I go, I already know every single answer and sub-question the counselors will ask. I know I'll just be going through the motions.

I've been unhappy and miserable to the point of not fearing death because I was trapped in this marriage. I decided last year to make a change, and now I am towards the end. Coincidentally someone walked into my life and wants to be there with me after this journey ends. This new person knows she's not the reason why I'm getting this divorce, as my dated divorce decree indicates. My soon-to-be-ex knows this too, but still wants me back.

Do I go through the motions and then tell her this isn't working, or just cut all ties now and deal her the heartache of her life?

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  • Yes well said as by the prevois person...its time to look atfer number 1 and that my dear is you...good luck x

  • My opinion and I have been where you are now. Marriage is gimmick idea brought on my man!!! I believe we as human beings change through-out our life-span. Because of this I believe the institution of marriage is a hoax!!!! Take care of making yourself happy, how in the h*** can you help your wife to be happy if you, yourself are not happy. I know it's selfish, but in the the long run, who do you eventually answer to!!! No, not god, you answer to yourself. One day, if you stay in a relationship that you are not happy in, you will ask yourself, could I have been happier. Don't let your life slip by!!!! Find a way to make yourself happy, if divorce is your answer, then do it and don't look back.

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