I want to leave the father of my child.

I have a great boyfriend and we have two children together. We have had QUITE the spectrum of ups and downs and we manage to always pull through. Things have been a LOT better between us lately, but I have noticed something that just makes me question it all: every single time I bring something up to him, it's "nagging". In the beginning I wasn't the greatest girlfriend but I have been trying so hard lately to treat him great and not complain for us and our children. Things have gotten a h*** of a lot better. But I am just tired of the way things are. I want companionship, not just a relationship. And there is no companionship. He'd rather spend his free time without me. He always sleeps on the couch (we have a 4 month old whose crib is in the bedroom), so I am always the one who gets up with our son through the night. I get up with both kids in the morning. Basically everything people need to do in their life (cooking, taking care of kids, bill paying, laundry, grocery shopping) I do IT ALL. I lose sleep taking care of our son so he can snooze away on the couch after staying up until 2 AM playing video games. Now, he is a GREAT man and does love our kids, he works two jobs to provide for us while I work one. But I just feel like I need more than this. We have been together for almost four years and I am unsure if I am being selfish, I just know I don't feel the companionship and I need that to be satisfied with him. I feel alone in all that I do.

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  • You are not being selfish at all, i agree with parts of the previous comments, you should try and re-arrange your budget so he can quit his second job and have more of himself to offer, he shouldn't be letting you take on all the responsibilities of raising the children. You also have more than one job, being a mother is a very big responsibility and is very draining, you give all to your kids and its hard to have anything left for your husband(or boyfriend) much less yourself.
    What i would advise is a few days without the kids have someone babysit, while you get away and get to connect again. Hope this helps.

  • When you want to bring something up with him don't talk about what he did, talk about how you feel, this will help prevent it from coming across as 'nagging' UNLESS he's just using that term to avoid discussing difficult subjects, which is also possible. It sounds like you want him to be more of a partner in running the household and raising the children. Right now he's contributing that second paycheck, which is important, but doesn't really build that "we're in this together" bond you're looking for. It may be necessary for you to rearrange your finances so he can quit his second job and have the energy to take on a greater role at home.

  • It just sounds like you're in a rough patch in your relationship, but it sounds like you can pull through. There is no doubt that having small children can challenge even the best relationships. Maybe the solution is about finding some little bit of balance where he gets his free time, you get your free time and more importantly you can find quality time you can spend together. How..It may be a couple of months considering your youngest is quite young. Best place to start is with an open and honest conversation. Communicate and tell one another what you need and want and see what you can work out. And then go from there...

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