I wish i didnt have a kid
I just want to get this off my chest.
I hate being a dad.
My child is beautiful and really sweet, but they could be the most angelic little gold s******* baby ever born, and I would still hate being a dad.
I begged the mom not to go through with it when we found out. begged and begged. I've never wanted kids, EVER. In fact quite the opposite, I've always hated kids and been horrified at the idea of them. She was on birth control, and I always pulled out, but still she got pregnant. She warned me early on that if she got pregnant she wouldn't have an abortion. I just never thought it would actually happen. When it did I tried to change her mind as respectfully as I could. I know in the end it's the mom's decision about what to do with their child. It's their body, their choice, I know this. However I desperately never, ever wanted a kid. I was really into traveling, playing music, shows, just living and experiencing as much as I could.
Now I stay at home.
We change jobs and switch off who has to stay at home, and my wife is my best friend and we are almost exactly alike and it's amazing to be with her. It still doesn't change the fact that sometimes I almost resent her for keeping the baby. I know that sounds bad, but I begged and pleaded that she reconsider. It doesn't matter now because this is how it is, and I have to accept it. I love the the s*** out of my child, and we have a lot of fun together. But there's still this deep feeling down in there that flares up sometimes. Its like a sudden crushing depression at the loss of freedom. I can't remember what its like to not have a kid, and to just do whatever you felt like whenever. I'm dealing with it pretty well, and most of the time I'm pretty happy. It's just days like these when I feel so sad. That's why I'm writing this. I don't know who I could tell.