Feel so much anger towards 19 year old step daughter

My husband and I have been together only two years and he has 3 daughters, 22, 19 and 15. The 19 year old lives with us and the other two live with their mother. I have a 7 year old boy (his father/my late husband passed 6 years ago).
Here is my vent. The daughter that lives with us is in her 2nd year university and is as lazy as they come. She will not help around the house, does not work or help with anything. She lives off us and only surfaces from her room when the aroma of a meal hits her nose. She acts like she is entitled to a free life because she has to study. That's her only responsibility!! She won't get a drivers license and expects her father to be her chauffeur.! She couldn't live with her mother and now I get to deal with this crao her own mother couldn't stand. She argues with my 7 year old as if she is the same age. I work 50 hours a week and come home to no help. She can't even unload a dishwasher. I feel as if I'm going to blow up at her and am already at the point where I can't even make eye contact as in so ugly and resentful towards her. I really hate her as a person. She dropped her major in university because it was too hard. She changed to Fine Arts and can't handle that now! She now wants to change again for the 3rd year! Honestly, does she think she gets free education from her dad forever? My frustrations come to play when my husband gets upset with me whenever I express these feelings. I think I made a mistake taking on this. Sadly, I love my husband but this is really affecting my life too much. Frustrated and lost.

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  • Grow a backbone. Only you can change what is going on. Give her father an ultimatum. Either she helps out around the house, or she (and he if necessary) will have to find somewhere else to live.

  • Whenever I read these posts I like to take a moment of what it may be like for the other person. Because, right or wrong, there are always two sides to a story. 19 and she's living at home. She doesn't get along with her mom, She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, and living at home with her dad, stepmom and step brother. A lot of the blame can go to her parents, they have enabled their daughter to do nothing. There aren't any consequences. Which is sad, because she should want to do something..even live with someone from her college and dig into her independence. It sounds like she's depressed and lost. And those two combined can be pretty debilitating. Maybe she's even dealing with an undiagnosed mental disorder or has drug or alcohol addiction. What is really awful is that your husband is not taking a united front with you, even on the simplest of levels to back you in having her contribute to some of the household chores. Him standing with you, doesn't mean he has to stand against his daughter. It needs to be something that encourages her to move forward in her life. The thing is there is no reason for her to help, because you do it regardless. She could very well live with you guys forever because there's no urgency in her moving forward. Failure to launch. The car thing, she should want to learn to drive. Maybe a therapist would help her? If she helped a little around the house or was happier, would your relationship be better with her?

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