Lines Have Been Crossed

I'm a husband and a father. Just minutes ago, I'm pretty sure I just had my first suicidal thought. It was about 3 minutes after the family went out to play in the snow. My wife and I have a small child who is just now becoming old enough to enjoy making a snowman, etc.

An important part: I have been out of work for six months and I cold call places, have applied to more than 150 places, all for jobs I'm sure I could perform. We've had to sell off things we enjoy but don't necessarily need. My wife's friends have husbands that are enjoying much more success than we are. She resents me and has explicitly made that clear and had threatened to leave with the kid several times.

We're having a fun time out in the drive and throwing snowballs. At first, nice and easy, at each other's legs or stomach. The pace escalates with the wife taking clear aim at my head. No worries, as I can swat them away and it's all part of playing. Once the kid got a lucky shot in at the back of his mom's head, she started sending more shots his way. I say repeatedly, "hey now, ease up everyone, this isn't going to end well. play safe." Well, her aim's not that good, and she popped him right in the face. He starts crying and spits in her face and says I hate you, etc. I tell her "he should've, you kept going right at his head until you got him. i told you this wasn't going to end well." that's when things went apeshit.

She starts screaming at me, claiming this is why I'm failing in life, I'm unfair, I'm hateful, she can't wait to return the favor, f*** you, flipping me off, and more, in view and earshot of the kid. i pick the kid up and tell him it was an accident and we all need to calm down.

we go inside and she continues, all within earshot of the child, who has retreated to a table and is playing a video game. i stop and tell her i overreacted and shouldn't have told him he should've spit in her face. i tell him that accidents happen, and spitting and saying hateful things is never OK. I tell him I said bad things, he said bad things, and the snowball was an accident and his mom feels terrible about it. she continues to tell me i "need to leave, f*** you, i wish sometimes you'd get hit by a bus, just f'n go away, i can't wait to do the same to you, when things happen fast to you, you'll know why"... you get the idea.

when i consider the difficulty of being unemployed in a part of the country where there isn't a great amount of work, but a few options, the very tentative nature of the remainder of my marriage, and what my child witnesses, i start thinking of what my options are, and what might make things better for my child. not for me, not for her, but for my child. i keep reminding myself that no insurance covers suicide. damn. all i want is to work and make these two happy. i'm not complicated, but times are. i live in the southeastern U.S. and I'm trying to be a good father and a project manager or estimator in the construction industry for someone, immediately. there. thanks for the chance to just get this out.


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  • You aren't making his life easier, you aren't "helping him" by killing yourself - you are making it easier on you. Not on him because growing up without a father isn't going to make his life easier. You have to take a hard account of other tough options. If there isn't work in your field where you live consider if there is elsewhere. Is there contract work in your field that can get you back on your feet? Wouldn't it be better to look for an opportunity like that for several months than take a permanent action? I lost my job two years ago in a field that is shrinking. I beat my head against a wall for months without getting any interviews. I got a "pity" interview from a contact and within minutes it was clear he didn't think I was right. But, he was brutally honest that my resume and my approach was wrong for how the world works today. In today's world you have to make your resume fit the job, you have to have a LinkedIn profile that matches your resume, and you have to use whatever contacts you have that can elevate your resume to the top of the pile. It isn't easy, but for the sake of your child take the harder path and not the cowards way out.

  • Please don't kill yourself and don't ever give it another thought. Times are tough right now for a lot of people and your luck will change. I know that looking for a job is a full time job. It's emotionally draining because you need a job yesterday and when you don't get called you wonder what's wrong with me? Your child needs you. Your wife just sounds resentful and angry at the situation and is taking it out on you. Does she work? Hopefully things will change for you soon. Here are some job sites, maybe you'll find something:,, If you're on Facebook or linkedin, post that you are looking. Good luck to you. You put this out there.. into the universe, something great will be coming to you. Just stay positive and keep looking.

  • Don't kill yourself over your uncaring selfish vindictive wife,stay alive for your loving needy vulnerable child. If you kill yourself,you will go away and leave the child suffering.Years later,the child will most likely kill himself. Before that happens,your wife will pick up some loser guy, who is likely to be very abusive to your child, and claim to love him. Do not empower your wife by taking your own life.your life is worthless to her but means the world to your son. Move to where construction is booming,like Texas,and start a life. if the woman was truly yours,she will follow you.You can try counseling and if it fails,divorce and make sure you get joint custody or amble visitation,pay child support and move on.Don't play nice guy in the custody,try and get 50% its all about your kid.Best of health,long live and good luck.

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