I don't know how to begin. When I was in high school I met this guy, let him be called S. He is my mother's best friend's son. We immediately became good friends. We used too study together and share our thoughts and opinions about everything. I could become myself around him without any pretension. We never became a couple and spent a good 2 years together. Then he went to study engineering and I took honours in English literature. I didn't get to see him often but our friendship continued. I used to call him everyday at 10.30 in the morning and he used to wait for my call. He has always been a very shy type of guy. I never thought him anything but a friend. Another two years passed. Both of us had no gf/bf. It was like we were satisfied with ourselves. But then something happened, we had a fight. I can't remember the reason of the fight anymore and we suddenly stopped talking. I became utterly alone without him and kind of lost my sanity. I yearned for him all the time. I didn't know what was his condition when he was without me. At those dark days I met someone, let him be called A. A was older than me and was very mature. I liked to spend time with him and slowly I regained the happiness of my life. I graduated from college with very good marks and then did my post-graduation. A became my boyfriend and everything was going just fine. But still I had an empty space in my heart, I wanted to see S but my ego kept me from doing that. One fine day, I met S again and realized that there was nothing changed between us. We never mentioned about the fight and became friends again. S had a girlfriend. I learned from his friends that he faced the same breakdown that I faced after the fight. It is like we share the same soul. I can feel his pain, happiness, everything. But the problem started when we both became jealous of each other's significant other. I can't stand his gf neither can he stand my bf. I love my bf very dearly but I don't understand what is there between me and S. We talked about this and his condition is same as mine. He also loves his gf. I'm doing PhD now and am a professor but I feel like I can't solve this problem of my own. I don't wanna cheat on my bf and if S goes away again then I'm gonna die for sure.