I'm still in love my affair partner

I had an affair for 4 years with a man that I thought was truly my soulmate. I truly almost left everything for him. My marriage, my son, my job, my family, my reputation....everything.

The guilt I had of potentially devastating my son always held me back. I couldn't do it to him.

So, long story short...my lover dumped me. Although, I deserved it, the pain of losing him is still on the forefront of my mind.

My husband forgave everything and wants to start fresh. I know its the best thing for our family. And I truly think he is genuine.

The problem....I'm not attracted to him anymore. Not even a little bit. I WANT to be. But I'm not. All I can think about is my lover. I want him...I miss him....my heart breaks everyday that I can't be with him.

I feel my life is over.

Report this

6 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • Masters and Johnson did sexual studies on men and women for several years, they said with the right exercises attractions and desires, can be restored , the exercise had to do with touching for a certain periods of time daily, without sexual release , you can look them up there on the internet, they were very effective, as far as love goes it's a choice not a feeling, why not start loving your husband again as you probably vowed when you got married, for your sake alone make it work.

  • You didn't mention whether or not your lover wanted you to leave your husband so you can be with him. He probably got bored of the same routine and left. He might've left regardless of your marriage status.

    I've also lost interest in my husband sexually. He's also a good guy and I don't want to hurt him by leaving. If only he didn't tell me he's bored with my body three times, when the real reason is ED by his admission. It's not like he's perfect. He has a micropenis as well as premature e**********. I can barely feel him during s** and it's over in less than a minute. Anyway, I found a terrific lover and got my self-confidence back.

    My guess is you're lacking s** in your marriage and you miss it. That's why you keep thinking about your ex-lover. Call him but pretend to your husband that you've stopped seeing this man. Let the cards fall where they may. Good luck.

  • The problem is really you. It's not about your lover and it's not about your husband, it's about your insecurities and the lack of love you feel for yourself. Love changes over time, it's not always filled with l*** and passion and you have to work on your relationships otherwise they become complacent. You should get into individual and couples counseling immediately. You need to get over your ex and over yourself and figure out what is important to you. If you no longer what to be married, fine..divorce. Maybe that is for the best. The fact that he's willing to even look at you after cheating on him for 4 years is huge. Not many people would be so willing to forgive for a one night stand. And you had a relationship and so blinded that you were willing to give up your child. Wow..just wow. Your first step would be to treat the break up of your affair like a break up. You can't reenter your marriage (or start again) until you deal with those feelings and this could take another year.. And then if you are truly willing to work on your marriage, you need to get back to why you are together and what went wrong why felt the need to stray. But whatever you decide, your child is priority. And it shouldn't be about a man keeping you company because you're afraid to be alone or filling some emotional void, it's about what's best for your child. You need to stand on your own and deal with life.

  • YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!
    YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU! IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!do not force yourself on a guy who dumped you..get over it and move on.AMEN

  • You don't feel attracted to your husband because you are still in love with your lover!

    You can get the feeling back - but you will have to get over your lover first.

    Here is some help: YOUR LOVER DUMPED YOU!

    IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULDN'T HAVE DUMPED YOU!!!!!

  • ^amen^

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?