I need to tell someone...

I need to tell someone my secret but please no harsh comments...I thought about suicide a lot. I even attempted 5 times nobody knew but my sister & my bf. Ive been through so much im surprise im still alive. My past would make you cry. Im not even kidding. should i start from the very beginning? When i was 4-5 i have been molested by a relative i will not name because no one would believe me. if i were to tell him i would yell and cry. like why would you touch me and my sister? we were only 4-5 years old? i wish you would burn in h*** because you were so close to the family. I hate your gutts everytime i see you im disgusted you could just walk around like nothing happened. You thought i was sleeping but i was awake the whole time it would happen every night you would come into the living room and touch us you sick b******! i wish i could kill you and be acceptable because of what you did to us. I felt so messed up in the head ever since birth i feel like. when i was 7 me and my cousin would touch each other we were both stupid. i know its disgusting when i think about it now im disgusted with myself. when i 8-12 i was abused by my dad for many stupid reasons. Me, my brother and sister. Well i was a problem child i didnt care about school or home. i stopped caring about anything my dad was never satisfied so i give him the satisfaction to beat me. yes it hurt but i knew it was never gonna stop. he would beat my till i had bruises. thats when i started to harm myself believe that when i was in fourth grade. when my family didnt notice i started wearing long sleeves to hide my scars. i stopped because why harm myself cuz of my hatred towards my dad. then i also was diagnosed with ADHD great what else could happen to my sick worthless self. I went to the clinic for a mental diagnosis secretly with no one with me i was diagnosed with bi polar disorder, depression, anxiety, plus the ADHD i didnt want those on my record forever so i denied the prescription to help me get better. what else could go possibly wrong. im not done yet. when i started to drink i got drunk and my closest uncle took advantage of me i said no but he kept talling me ill make you feel good. i wanted to cry because i couldnt push him off me he then said you cant deny me then he took off my shorts and underwear and he well you get the picture he said you wont remember but i do i remember everything i hate myself why did i get drunk that night why did i let him take advantage of me like that it haunts me. I wish i was dead but i already wished i was dead my fourth grade year i attempted 5 times. i didnt want to leave my family i knew would hurt most. My big sister i know she would be heart broken. i would hurt my boyfriend also. My sibling would be hurt too. my family would be too. i sometimes wish i was not so attached to my family then it wouldnt be a problem. if i died i would leave them in h***. they would hate me for killing myself but then one of these day i know i could just snap and bang im gone.

Jul 7, 2015

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  • Ya'll need jesus

  • Just like the other commenters said, this was not your fault. You grew up in a situation no child should ever have to endure. You were a victim but you are a survivor now. Please get help. You're not alone. There are others out there who have been through things such as yourself. I had a f***** up childhood myself but different situations. I won't go into that because this post is about you. Let's just say I cam close to ending it a few times but am so glad I didn't. Because things did get better. Once you start living life for yourself its a whole different ballgame. You are lucky you have a bf and siblings who care about you. I know firsthand what it is like losing a sibling and loved ones to suicide and it's not something I would ever wish on anyone. But you can't just stay here for them. You have to for yourself. What happened to you is in the past. You can choose how much you let it affect the present. It's not easy. Life isn't easy and definitely not fair but it's all we have. Don't cheat yourself out of the future you deserve.

  • Contact Rainn.org. You've been through a lot and you're going to continue to move forward. You are stronger than you know. It's okay to ask for help and talking about it. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, it wasn't your fault.

  • Sry for the typos in on a phone

  • Wow. You know what they did to you was wrong of them and that they are very f***** up bad people. Why do you blame yourself for it? You were a young kid you didn't do anything wrong. Any mistakes you made do not excuse them or make you guilty. And just because they did those things does not make you a bad person or different I wouldn't characterize you as "that person who was molested" when in was little in was abused by neighborhood teens. But that's on them I don't blame myself and neither should you. That stuff about your cousin is also something you shouldn't be ashamed of. Again you were young and you don't really understand what you were doing plus that kind of thing happens a lot especially with abused kids. I wish you would reconsider taking your medication it is nothing to be ashamed of either. I took antidepressants for years and my step son takes adhd meds. They help him in school and help him around friends. You hang in there ok there is nothing wrong with you and anything bad that happened to you is on the monsters that did it to you. *hugs*

  • Im so sorry this had to happen. The world can be so disgusting and harsh. But try to recover. Go on trips far away, take a vacation, or do something that makes you happy :)

  • Please get counseling - this is NOT YOUR FAULT!

    Perps know how to manipulate their victims and this happens to slot if people!

    You deserve a good life - and get yourself a voodoo doll of your uncle and set that b**** on fire!!!!!

    I would also report to police - he is a predator!

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