Blah blah

Feeling like writing some thing, its silly, whats the point?
how much of this is bullshit, is it a lie? do words even matter?
often too harsh on myself or too apologetic. seems that there are so many people out there but non of them are my kind. i don't expect too much off people but merely a mutual compatible common sense. everything gets too much and really only me here.
sometimes nice people, sometimes a smile, but mostly broken beyond repair.
gloating pigs with no soul, followers, perverts and goody goodies. and i just wonder how did it get this way. was it me?
i feel that some feelings i cant turn around and some get worse as i go,
i know there is maybe something behind a black screen but it just a shadow,
and i know i just cant turn back time or change another person or how I feel about them. Some times people wont know why they’ve been treated the way they was but its very strong and clear.
They say the smarter you get the less you talk,
I say it dose not matter you can talk scream manipulate and it wont change a thing nothing will. Only black images behind a screen, I wish I was a liar , I wish I was ambitious I wish I could care for some guy and ignore he is a total d***. I wish I could fall in love it feels like the season and I only wish.
A time line of endless mistakes. I love the dudes that make you feel even worse then you did and sure they are attractive. there are no secretes nothing not said before. And still telling something or someone I hate this place makes it better.
I see terrible thing I hear them too, and over all its h*** again and again.
I know I want to leave, but im pretty sure I wont miss misery.
The romantic fantasies are general limited and fading, some people make it worse, some people are s*** that likes to s*** on others and its not that I couldn’t make it bad all by myself but if a scumbag was helping out I wont forgive or forget.
It’s the worst feeling ever luckily they don’t care about other people.
It’s the same abusive trash that makes you feel bad when you cant even do half the damage he did. Ill keep up my solitude it keeps me sane and not having a person I cant relate to or understand just makes it better.
I can vent all night but words are pointless. I need to find my lil light in this ugly darkness ill watch and seek, funny I don’t think it would shine as bright to other people they never know where the treasure really is thinking its in the shiny package when its with in some one that isn’t cocky and if any undervalues himself not knowing how great he is, im in the desert this was fatamorgana surly there will be water ahead feeling thirsty

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