Am I horrible?
I am a 16 year old boy. A few months ago I lost my stepmother to colon cancer. My family had known for a while but it was still a shock to us. It was heartbreaking to watch someone I knew to be so vibrant and full of life dying in front of me. Each day it was worse and worse. We all cried and knew that we would lose her but it still killed us a little inside each day. On the day that she died we were all around her while she laid on her death bed. We were all holding her hands and kissing her. Everyone was saying I love you and talking to her telling her it was okay for her to go. What I saw before me was a shred of the person I used to know hanging on by a thin strand of life. It broke all of our hearts. When she died everyone was crying except for me. I didn't shed a single tear, not one. After, I hated myself. I hated that I didn't cry and I thought there was something wrong with me. I regretted not making her life easier and better. I hated myself for so many things. I often cry at night as I lay in bed and when I think of her. Am I horrible for not crying when she passed away? Am I horrible for not making her life easier while she was here to enjoy it?