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I think about the one that got away every day. There is not one day that passes. Not one. I ** it up. Period. There is no back story, that pretty much sums it up. We haven't seen each other nor have we spoken in years but i wake up in the morning and my mind is like "before you go trying to occupy your mind with ** like moving on , remember this" (insert every good thing from that relationship into my mind). I'm starting to feel like a legit psychopath. No disrespect to anyone with serious disabilities. My condolences. I just can't help but feel this is mentally unhealthy, and this ** ain't coming from some upstanding gentleman who made one mistake, this is multiple mistakes, multiple times. I'm the ** who should be like "I'm just happy, you're happy" but this isn't that ** movie. I want her, I want to see her , I want to touch her, I want to hold her, I want to tell her I ain't ** but no one will ever love her the way I do. "Well if you loved her, you wouldn't have ** it up" this isn't that ** movie either. No rules apply. I know i ain't ** , but ain't ** people have feelings to and I feel for her like no one ever will. I don't care if he remembers every birthday, anniversary, knows you better than he knows himself. I don't care if he pays special attention to your every need and want. I don't care if your family loves him. Quite frankly whoever she's with to day I don't care if he's the best possible thing that could ever happen to her. I could look at him, look at myself and admit he's the better man but I will never utter the words that he loves her like I do. No one will ever love her like I do right now and have for the past five years. My heart is literally reaching for something that hasn't been there for a long time and probably never will be again. I feel like its trying to will its way back to where it belongs but my mind is like your vessel ** that up little buddy but here's some memories. ** man, goodnight.
Wow. What a blast from the past OP here and man was this a rough point in my life. Especially the fall seasons, being that was the period where we met these months used to be terribly hard. Between then and now, we did reconnect, flirted with the idea of there being an us again but we never got back together. we both have come to terms with everything. We speak rarely but every conversation ends with "I love you". I had no clue anyone had even commented on this post til now.
At least you made the attempt! 99% of people who write confessions like this never take that chance. Maybe it's not a perfect storybook happily-ever-after but it sounds like you've got something positive going. Plus you've got more guts than most people. So good on ya!
I wish I could say I know who wrote this, but it can't be who I'm thinking of-- this OP owns his part in this scenario. The guy I once knew would never do that. To this day he treats others horribly, then turns right around and cries long and loud to the heavens as if HE'D been the victim. This post is vague enough to be "my" dude's style, but again that's to do with avoiding accountability-- if you keep identifying details (no matter how minor) out of your confession, there's no possibility of it coming back and biting you in the **. That's right-- my former acquaintance was an abusive, gaslighting, paranoid chickenshit. Can't imagine why I didn't jump on that when I had the chance! LOL
P.S.: He looks utterly miserable and defeated these days. I hope he does the world a favor and puts an end to it soon.
MAN UP AND REACH OUT. TALK TO HER, AND LISTEN TOO. MAYBE IT WONT BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT. GO. NOW. THIS IS YOUR PERMISSION. THIS -IS- THAT MOVIE.
He won't reach out to her. She won't reach out to him. It won't reach out to it. Whatever edgy pronoun won't reach out to whatever edgy pronoun. It's not going to happen.
Doesn't matter what you call yourself. People have their own irrational reasons for not doing this kind of thing no matter their circumstances. And their choice to moan it to the world instead involves a whole other kind of irrational reasoning. Sometimes it's to ease one's heart. Sometimes it's an attempt to win "poor little star-crossed lover" points-- but they will never admit that and will go on the attack if you call it like it is.
I feel you. I'm in the same exact boat. I wonder if you expressed this to her. If I don't express what I'm feeling now I just may become you. I ** up only yesterday and cannot gather the courage what so ever to apologize. My pride is a **. So am I for what I've done..
I would take $20 and get a **, but use condoms, and work out your aggressions because once she had mine you ain't getting her back, beyatch.