I think about the one that got away every day. There is not one day that passes. Not one. I f***** it up. Period. There is no back story, that pretty much sums it up. We haven't seen each other nor have we spoken in years but i wake up in the morning and my mind is like "before you go trying to occupy your mind with bullshit like moving on , remember this" (insert every good thing from that relationship into my mind). I'm starting to feel like a legit psychopath. No disrespect to anyone with serious disabilities. My condolences. I just can't help but feel this is mentally unhealthy, and this s*** ain't coming from some upstanding gentleman who made one mistake, this is multiple mistakes, multiple times. I'm the m*********** who should be like "I'm just happy, you're happy" but this isn't that f****** movie. I want her, I want to see her , I want to touch her, I want to hold her, I want to tell her I ain't s*** but no one will ever love her the way I do. "Well if you loved her, you wouldn't have f***** it up" this isn't that f****** movie either. No rules apply. I know i ain't s*** , but ain't s*** people have feelings to and I feel for her like no one ever will. I don't care if he remembers every birthday, anniversary, knows you better than he knows himself. I don't care if he pays special attention to your every need and want. I don't care if your family loves him. Quite frankly whoever she's with to day I don't care if he's the best possible thing that could ever happen to her. I could look at him, look at myself and admit he's the better man but I will never utter the words that he loves her like I do. No one will ever love her like I do right now and have for the past five years. My heart is literally reaching for something that hasn't been there for a long time and probably never will be again. I feel like its trying to will its way back to where it belongs but my mind is like your vessel f***** that up little buddy but here's some memories. F*** man, goodnight.