Everyday, I think of killing myself. I see a lot of posts by teens, but I'm in my mid 30s. I want it so bad and since I can remember. I've tried it twice. No one cared. Pills won't kill me. And I can't go back to the only place that makes me happy. I've got no home, per se. But I have a little dog I adore. I adore her, she loves everyone. I was hoping she'd save me with her love, but I'm unloveable.
I don't want her to stay with my mother or my husband. I want her to be as away as possible from these people, and I want to die so bad. And I love her so much, and I love so many others so bad. I just want this to be over, give everyone the victory of getting rid of me. It's fine, I've never cared for winning. I love you, baby. I guess I'm relieved you never loved me as much as I do, because the world loves you. You're all I care about. Goodbye.

Dec 29, 2015

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  • Did you see a dog after it's master is gone? How much pain it suffers? If you want to do that act you should look this on the internet. Also, there's more. To life. Think of the things you like to do. For example, I was just stolen by the last think I liked to do in this life, personally. I prefer to die than that. But I have a duty for my son that loves me, to be there and to support him. Maybe you can still do some of the things you like. I liked to read, to go on long walks on the hills here, to see sci-fi movies, to stay awake on wikipedia, and to give and receive oral s** until I blow hard (the plain s** does not work for me in the same way). For other people it's maybe stupid, but those where some of my things that made me disconnect. Now I cannot have most of them, I had to limit some, in others I was limited, and in others, after 7 years of marriage, I was just realized I cannot have anymore. Life sucks on so many levels, but it's life. I always wanted to know what's out there, Who created us and why. I also know that suicide is not the answer to that or to any problem. I cannot help you, but there are free lines that can, please google them. Also, I don't know where are you from, what are your problems, but I know that when I got to the point of thinking about this, I always realized that there are people in this world that are suffering way more than me and are not giving way to this feeling in them. If they can go along and hung from this live, severely crippled or on the streets with no money and no one to get help from, then I can go on too. And you can also do it. There is Someone in the sky that is watching you, just don't give up on Him, He will not give up on you unless you do it. Just search..

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