Do I give up?

I've been involved with a man for 8 months now. We met online through common interests and clicked immediately. We talk on the phone every day, and we have Skyped multiple times before, though now it is rare since he is very busy and tired. We have never physically met.

This relationship leaves me wondering whether or not I'm being unreasonable, I'll explain later why. There's no one I can talk to about this because of how complex it is.

(He calls me his gf and considers himself my boyfriend. I feel the same, although I feel weird calling him that since we haven't officially met, despite talking everyday)
Because of how busy he is it's rare that we speak during the day. He calls when he can and I am overjoyed but... he never calls when he says he will. He uses words like "Calling... soon... shortly... in 10 minutes.." but when the time comes he isn't around and I usually end up waiting another hour or so (I do attempt to call him).

When he does call, I am upset, and it always surprises him as to why. Is it really unreasonable for me to expect the man to keep his word?

I get it if it's every now and then but this happens every day and usually late at night since he claims to be busy (which I don't entirely believe, because how? He doesn't even work on weekdays, although he does go out on errands and takes short classes twice a week.) Also, if he were to just TELL me he can't talk, instead of giving me false hope, I'd completely get it but I hate waiting because I can't get that time back. It's important to me that I hear from him though.

I'll admit to being resentful because I have rearranged my life in order to MAKE time for him. I don't think he realizes to the full extent that if I didn't do that we would have no time for each other...

I tell him all of this of course, but the issue never gets solved. He throws a pity party for himself, says he'll try harder, and says he wishes I was more understanding.

It's a difficult situation already. I just want more effort on his part and for his ACTIONS to match his words.

I can admit to being impatient, but one's patience grows thin when this literally happens EVERYDAY. It's hard to understand when I can't see his life and when I have put things aside in my own life for him.

This is putting a strain on our relationship, as I feel myself beginning to lose a desire for him. But I'd feel bad ending it before we even truly began I.e. see how it is in person! I want to work things out and see how I can improve. Tell me HOW to be/practice understanding. Tell me if I am being unreasonable or selfish, explain why, and tell me what I need to do please. I love the guy and I've never connected with anyone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually like I have with him. Please help. :(

3 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • That guys married or something

  • You need to admit to yourself this is not a relationship and move on. This guy is probably married with kids and you are his fantasy girl on the side and nothing more than that. How can you love someone you have never spent a moment with? Yes you are being unreasonable to yourself to be in a phone or text relationship and nothing more.

  • First you deserve to be treated with consideration and respect, everyone does. You are not being unreasonable at all. This is your Boy friend we are talking about. But I have to tell you, in reading your post, his actions are glaring red flags. Pay attention to them. Get your heart up to speed with your head. I know you've invested a lot of time, energy and emotions. But something is not adding up. If you care about someone, you make time to talk and see them. And if someone says, they are going to call in 10 minutes ...they should. And not in an hour and then throw it in your face if you are upset. That is b.s. and very immature. And sure, people are busy, but No one is THAT busy. How can you even have a relationship if you're that busy. It's completely unfair to the other person (you!) The excuses why he can't talk, He's busy, not being able to call you. Resentful? You have every right to be. It's annoying and rude. The red flag I see - he is married. I know it's not what you want to hear, but look at the big picture. First, stop being so available to him. When he says he'll call you in 10 min. Say okay.. and just do whatever. Stop rearranging your life! Go on about your day, make plans etc. If you really want to meet him, put the plan in to action and pick a month and plan to meet at a half way point. And do it. If he makes a bunch of excuses.. you may have your answer. It would be interesting and telling to go to where he lives, because if he is hiding anything you could find out instantly. Curious if he has he asked you for money or anything? It time to really get to the bottom of this before you invest anymore time into this person. It's unfortunate. But I think you see it, you just don't want to believe it.

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?