I Have a Deceitful Friend

Last week she called my house 2 times and hung up, and had not spoken to me in nearly 2 weeks prior. We usually talk several times a week while at work but she has this habit of using the silent treatment when I don't agree with her or want to take part in some activity important to her. Eventually she calls and apologizes but not trying to gas light me about having left messages. Today I called her on her crap again but got very upset with her trying to be deceitful in my face. For some reason I felt guilty about not calling her either and expressing my feelings. I am now thinking about not calling her for a while and letting her know that I hate deceitful people. What do you think I should do to stop her deceitful ways? What I don't want to do is to end a long friendship but she's becoming very tired to deal with lately. Please advise.

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  • Just leave her alone & not try to call her. If she value your friendship with her, she'll call you.

  • Thank you - that's the usual pattern but I'm hoping somehow to make a break through. What else would you suggest.

  • Curious.. Are you upset if she doesn't partake in an activity that's important to you? I think you should squash it now and move forward. Get it all out in the open. She has to stop taking it so personally when you're not available to her. She has to stop blaming you. But if you leave it in her court, then this will happen again and you'll feel angry again. This may be a really good opportunity to point it out and figure out how to change things but do it so it's not a confrontation. We all do deal with things differently and she may not be really aware of how her behavior is affecting you. Try not to attack her by pointing the finger and saying You do this or that.. it will immediately put her on the defense. Maybe start by saying, I need you to be more understanding and agreeable when I'm not available to do something with you. And at the same time, own your part too and suggest how this can be avoided nexttime something happens. Where to start? Be the one to say can we talk? At least it's a start.

  • I think that your suggested approach would likely work very well because so far the pattern keeps repeating itself year after year. Thanks so much.

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