I Hate My Husband's Ex-wife

My husband's ex wife is the most infuriating woman on this planet. They've been divorced for 2 years now and so have my ex husband and I. My current husband and I have been married for 9 months, but dating for a year and a half. We now have a son together. My husband has a 19 year old with his ex wife and she is out of the home away at college. His ex still continues to contact him constantly either wanting money for something or to cuss him out or b**** at him about stupid things. In the beginning she tried everything to break us up. Accusing him of sleeping with her still after he had moved in with me. Calling me a w**** and every name she could come up with. She stalked my apartment relentlessly, harassed me through text and phone calls. She threatened me several times. Followed me into the Wal-mart bathroom trying to fight me. As time has went on things got better a little, but about every few weeks she texts him still and tries to start problems and always uses their daughter as an excuse but their daughter is an adult and doesn't live at home. Has her own phone and car so why does the ex need to tell him anything about the daughter when she is more than capable of telling him herself and definitely does especially when she wants money. My husband always defends his ex and says she just talks to him about their daughter, he says shes over it and doesn't want to be with him. Yet, she's consistently posting things on facebook about not being able to move on from her past and being sad or depressed or missing him and other things along that line. And then she also post things that I know are aimed at me. She knows that I hate when she contacts him so she does it to p*** me off. She called him recently while I was home and she asked "Is your WIFE there?" and he said "Yeah." then she started laughing and you could her a friend of hers in the background laughing very loud and forced so you knew they were just trying to p*** me off. She doesn't text or call me anymore because I finally had to threaten to press charges on her for harassment if she ever contacted me again so she uses texting and calling my husband to get to me. I try not to let it bother me, but it does and I hate her more than I've ever hated anything in my life. And she makes him feel so guilty about their daughter who was definitely a daddy's girl until we got together that he does any and everything his daughter wants from him and he let's it affect the way he treats our son. He acts like he resents our baby because his daughter was mad and jealous that he married me and had another child. I know he loves me, he constantly tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am and that he never wants me to leave him but then when I try to tell him how I feel about his ex wife he gets mad and fusses at me and says I should get over it. But he never tells his ex to leave me or us alone or for her to get over it. I know they were married for 17 years but still they got divorced he married me and he made a commitment to me and their commitment was over after the divorce so shouldn't he be taking up for me instead of her? Or am I just stupid? My ex husband and I have a 5 year old daughter together and we talk less than they do. We are very civil together and he and my current husband get along well and always have nice conversations and even shake hands. But I can't even be in the same room as his ex wife or their daughter because the ex has made their daughter hate me so much that we've never even met face to face and she has nothing to do with her little brother and will not even claim him. Now I find out his ex wife is now dating my ex husband. I made it very clear to him that I do not want my daughter around her. I do not trust this woman around my child knowing she has violent tendencies and a history of stalking and harassing. My ex just stops responding after I say not to have her around my child. He claims they haven't been around each other yet, but if they continue to date and things get serious I don't know what to do because while he was a horrible husband he is a great father and out daughter adores him and I would never stop letting her see her daddy but I absolutely do not want her around that woman. So I just don't know what to do. I feel like everything is falling apart. My husband is great at affection and romance and charm and I am completely in love with him, but I can't stand having to deal with his ex and daughter for the rest of my life and I don't want our son to grow up thinking his father and big sister hate him and resent and doesn't want him.

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29 Comments

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  • Yah i hate my hubbys ex too. i want her to get sick and then suffer and then die. its wrong for me to think that but i still think that. shes the worst.

  • Do you think your husband is doing anything to antagonize her, some thing or things you may not be aware of? Sometimes, the problem isn't where it appears to be, and what we see is only the reaction to the actual problem. Wishing you all the best.

  • That is the way the cookie crumbles, don't like it? Kick her ass.

  • I hear you, I feel you, I sympathize. There isn't a day that goes by -- not one -- that I don't wish my husband's second wife (I'm number three) would die. Die. DIE! I want that biotch to die painfully.

  • Quit molesting his kids!

  • That is NOT happening! Why would you say such a thing?? What is wrong with you???? I was talking about his previous wife! How does that become about his children?????!??

  • It is FACT that you're doing that to those kids! You want to besmirch his ex- to deflect attention away from the sick things you're doing!
    Have you no morals???

  • No, no, noooooo! Please stop saying this filth!!! I love his children, I really do! I take wonderful care of them, even better than their mother! Yes, I hate their mother, but I have not touched any of them in the way you're talking about! I'm not doing any sick things to them! NO!!! Please take it back! You don't even know me, so how could you say this?? And why?????!??? I'm a good wife and mother and step-mother! Please don't say that I'm doing sick things anymore!!!!! Please don't say it! Yes, I have morals, and I go to church nearly every Sunday and I take his children and our children with me many times! No, there is nothing sick in me in that way! So please PLEASE take it back! Oh my God, PLEASE!!!! I feel awful reading this!!!

  • Quit denying the obvious. You're taking your rage and hatred for the ex out on the children. Walk away right now. You're sick!!!!

  • I admit that I do have much rage and hatred for his ex-wife, but I don't take it out on my step-children. No one is being harmed and I am not sick. I can't walk away from them because they are here with me while my husband is working. He wants them with me and he's happy that they're here, I promise. I don't have a sexual issue or a sexual sickness. I'm just an ordinary wife and mother trying to do her best every day of the world. I'm not harming anybody, not ever, and I don't know how or why you think that is happening because that is so not happening. No one is being harmed and I am not sick. I don't think I ever even said anything anywhere about s** with anybody much less his children or anybody else's children! No! Not true! So totally not true! But this is making me sick every time I read it. I feel awful about it.

  • People on here can be awful. Just ignore the ones being cruel. Being a stepmom is a super tough job, most women aren't capable of handling it. No one can understand the position you are in unless they've been there themselves.

  • Please seek mental help. It is clear that you are in denial and probably wouldn't remember if you killed one of the kids.

  • I was just trying to be supportive for the woman who wrote this post, and I don't know what I did to make you hate me. Whatever it was, I'm very sorry. I've never hurt anyone, at least not that I know about, but I could never kill anyone, much less a child, much less one of the children in our family. But when I read what you wrote, it was 5:00 this morning, and I actually got up and checked on the children to be sure they were okay and they were. Then I came back to the computer room, and sat down and cried. I don't think of myself as hateful, but you aren't the first person who has talked to me this way. I don't know why I anger people so much when I try so hard not to. I love my husband. I love my children. I'm not perfect, and I've made plenty of mistakes. You seem to know something about our family, but I don't know who you are. Do you know who I am? Do you know about me from the past somehow?

  • Ignore the rude cruel people on here. They don't know you and are just trying to upset you. You aren't hateful. You are hurt. It's very difficult to be in your position. Being a second wife (or third) and having to deal with the kids that are brought into the marriage makes everything extremely hard to cope with. You need your husband's support. He should set the boundaries and watch out for you.

  • Thank you so VERY much for your rare kindness. You have made my day -- and my week -- after so much anger being sent to me here. THANK YOU for that!!!!!

  • You're a mental casualty!

  • This is what happens when you just get out of one bad marriage and jump into another one. You got remarried a year after your divorce and had a child. How well did you know the man before you got married to him ? Did you think the drama with his ex would stop because you married him? I think if people spent a little more time getting to know each other before making a huge commitment they would have less problems.

  • .......sometimes.....................a b**** just need a beating..............

  • My ex called for this or that and for $$$ for 17 yrs after the divorce. Interfered with raising the kids, charged things to my accts around town. I feel the OP pain.

  • SOOOOO right^.

  • I've been married to my husband for nearly 8 yrs, he's been divorced over 7 yrs, but I still have fantasies of stabbing his ex in the throat with a giant knife, and then hanging her upside down in the woods where the animals can eat her face and t*** and ass off. Hate. HATE!

  • There's no way out of this, but your situation does serve as a warning to others: don't marry idiots (and especially don't have kids with them), be mindful of the baggage you will assume BEFORE you remarry, and realize that if you don't make a bunch of mature decisions when you are young, you might end up like the OP.

  • Well my guess is your husband is gonna want your daughter one day and push you aside anyway.

  • Your an idiot

  • Even an idiot knows when to use "You're" when it is warranted. Go away, twatwaffle!

  • Stop thinking about her, find activities and things to do that avoid you obsessing over her, its so unhealthy. focus on you and make clear defined boundaries with her. stop placing so much importance on her and more on yourself and the now.

  • Wow!

  • It's a fine line you have to cross. Yes, in life what is true is that you can choose the kind of relationships we want to have with people. It's okay to have boundaries, but you are going to have to put away your differences to just be civil. First, you cannot control everything in life. You cannot tell your ex who he can or cannot date. You just don't have that right. You have young children that eventually they will pick up on this negative energy circulating. They will begin to ask questions. Your relationship with your ex husband is different than your husband and his ex wife. That seems obvious. It almost feels that because she contacts him you feel threatened. That's all you. You need to figure out how to deal with it. You married a man who had a family before that. She could be bat s*** crazy or whatever..even though their child is 19, that doesn't mean they stop being parents. Should she get married or have children it is forever thing. Wouldn't it be nice if you could all get along? Obviously you all have great taste in men. There is something that's true about the law of attraction. You may be more similar to his ex wife than you think.. Look, you don't have to be best friends, but maybe you could be the bigger person and extend an olive branch and set up some sort of boundaries that you are both comfortable with. You don't need to have weekly dinners or whatever and maybe your husband and his daughter can rebuild their relationship. It's something to think about. Maybe your first step is to look into a family counselor where they can give you the tools to bridge this gap so that you can release this anger. It's not healthy. And in the long run, just not worth it. You can vent all you like, but at some point you need to begin to figure out a way to find a solution to this or it will just continue.

  • If you allow the ex to infuriate you, and to ruin your days (any of them), you're allowing her to win, even if it's just for the moment. Take those victories from her by ignoring her, every single time she pulls one of her retarded episodes. Eventually, you'll realize that you no longer have to pretend that you don't care about her, because you really won't care about her anymore.

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