Me and my Bestfriend

Now I have no idea how to start this off... me and buddy (we'll just refer to him as Buddy) have been bestfriends for a little less than 10years. He's Pansexual and I'm Hetrosexual. (I'm also Demisexual and I've talked to him about that when I found out... not sure if it matters I've just been over thinking it but he knows I consider him my brother and because of being demi. I do have feelings for him but there not sexual.) Anyways the other day after a night of raving, and MDMA we find ourselves back at buddies house in his room smoking weed, coming down off our M high and just chilling (which isnt out of the normal) after probably 2hours or so he looked at me and said "can I ask you something akward?" I told him to shoot and he replied with "S***... its too late now.... uh nevermind..." so I said "okay" and got kind of quiet then he started spewing some s*** about how he f***** up and made things akward so I reassured him that nothing was wrong and I was just really confused as to what he wanted to ask and told him that I respect him enough that he doesnt have to tell me... to which he rebuttled with "How would you feel about a dude sucking your d***?"... anyways I went on the whole im straight speel and told him Id always accept him and never judge him, and told him that i honestly dont know how I would feel about that anyways we drop the subject. Sometime passes and he askes if id sleep over (He never asks me to sleep over) and you know what after everything that just happened I was like hes probably lonely... anyways still chilling in his bed watching anime and smoking... he cuddles up next to me and grabs my hand (then asked if it was okay, and you know what I know people are going to call me gay for this but I'm straight and idgaf. I told him it was okay and you know what? It felt even more okay than I thought it would. I felt like we connected on a deeper level.) Anyways somemore time passed and he litterally passed out cuddled up too me. And it was cute and touch as f*** to know he felt that comfortable with me even though I turned him down... couple hours later he wakes up goes to the bathroom comes back and starts rubbing my p**** through my jeans.... now not gonna lie I had an issue with this but I was h**** and it felt good so I didn't say anything one thing lead to another and he pulled my pants down and sucked my d*** (HOLY F*** best BJ ever hands down. Idgaf how gay that sounds.) Anyways then he'd stop for a bit and stroke it and lightly kissed a couple parts of my body then back at it anyways it felt so good I was so turned on (gotta love MDMA) anyways s*** happened I sucked his d*** a little bit because I was curious. (And after giving head like that f*** it he deserved it.) Now niether of us came we were just kinda playing with ourselves and we just randomly stopped. He looked at me and muttered something I don't remember all of it but I do remember Him telling me it "wasnt his thing" and now he knows... (idk though there was alot of wffort in that bj lol anyways...) he passed out afterwords. I layed beside him for a couple hours and couldnt sleep so i went home (I have insomnia he totally understands)...

Now he sent me a msg when I woke up (i woke up at like 4pm and all of this stuff prior happened between like 2am-7am) that said "We're forgetting last night happened, right?" I didn't know how to respond so I said something like "yeah of course :-)" and ive barely heard from him since maybe 2 messages or so... now this has f***** with my head alot and idc about that. I feel like I'm losing my bestfriend because he wanted to try something. I'm not gay but I seriously do love him and I'd do anything for him ( <. < situational irony anyone? Lol) anyways... what should I do... let it blow over? Try talking to him about it? Maybe even reassure him that I dont think any differently of him and that was seriously the best BJ ive ever had?... I need advise please :-)....

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  • Just let it blow over and not to mention about it the next both of you come together again.

  • Its been about a week, and asides from theyday after all that happened he won't talk to me. Just straight up ignores my snaps and txts now. I had a party the day after all this happened and there was drugs and s*** but there was also alot of tension and i kept notice him starring at me (almost contently, it wasnt an angry glare or anything) after everyone left he told me about how he was in my bathroom thinking about suicide high on Ketamine, and all I could do was tell him no and told him idk what id do with out him. He litterally just shrugged and walked away from me.... then he went home fast forward 6days and we still havnt talked...

    I lost my bestfriend didnt I?

  • Tell him that you love him, and how good he was. Can't lose much now right? You're losing him. Try

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