Struggling right now
I think I might have to end my 3 1/2 year relationship with a man I still love to pieces. We have struggled the last few months with him changing jobs to bar work and buying a house, in May he said he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. The other week told me if he were to get married it wouldn't be to me, said I'm not the one but he 'doesn't hate me so it's ok'. Stupidly I still adore him and the though of sepersting breaks my heart, and would ruin my life in the town I live where I moved to, most of my friends are his friends.
He has been out the last 4 nights, and still isn't home from last night. I need to find the courage to ask, are you in love with me? But I can't face the inevitable NO. I don't know what the f*** to do. My health is suffering, so is my job, my social life, I worry even leaving the house sometimes.
I deserve to be respected, and valued, and to be with so one who is as invested as me, but right now I don't even respect myself. I don't want to waste my life but I don't want to ruin it even more. I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I hope and hope hope hope we can work things out but it's getting less likely by the day.