Soo i was head over heels for a boy for the longest time. We liked each other at different times more than once but when he liked mee i had already began forgetting about him. The same happened when i liked him it was weird and we went back and forth liking each other . Somehow we always found our way back to each other we ended up in the same place everytime. I liked him and he liked mee . We never really talked much, we were friends but that's all we exchanged a few words a week, yess we didnt talk much but when we did i felt everything inside me . I think I was in love . This feelings were there for 4 years or more and i would tell people that i didnt had a crush because I wanted to believe that I didnt , deep inside me i knew i loved him. There was something in him that made me feel different, the so called butterflies in my stomach. I loved him i loved staring at him he teased mee and he always looked me in the eyees . That made me melt . I would wait for a text a call but nothing really happened . I went on a trip for around a month and i went w a group of friends . I forgot about him suddenly he didnt matter any more . I was so happy that i could finally move on from that long time crush. But i started to catch feelings for another friend . It came in the most unexpected waay but it happened . It might sound cheesy but im not afraid to be myself around him i am not afraid to embarrass myself infront of him i can be goofy and inmature with him just like i am with my bestfriends and it just feels right I know he wont judge me. With the other guy im really shy ... With him i can act naturally. we laugh we tease each other he tells me the sweetest things and we have so much in common. I came back from the trip and when I saw my other crush again i litterally felt nothing . It felt as if he was another friend one more of the bunch, thats it . I continued talking with the new guy who i am starting to likee since i moved on. But he confuses me so much . Sometimes i think he likes me, sometimees i think he sees me as a friend it soo stressful. He is a very nice guy he is respectful , funny but also mature. He is not afraid of being himself and he is ok with acting like a fool with mee and being childish with mee it's so cutee . But he confuses me so much. He is insecure sometimes and he is scared of getting hurt like in the past . We speak everyday but i dont know ... I hate catching feelings for someone things get so complicated . You fall in love at your own risk but it hurts having an emotional rollercoaster inside you. I kills me . I feel lonely and i really want to feel loved . He seems to be what i want in a guy we could chat for hours about soo many things up to 1am and it wouldnt get boring. We have the longest conversations about chocolate and about life about love about forgiveness about stuffed animals and about pokemoon ?? We can talk about anything he just makes me feel special comfortablee it feels nicee having someone buut at the same time i dont know if my hopes are too high maybe he doesnt like me back maybee he just thinks i am a good friend or a little sister I dont know and it kills me . It kills me no being able to breath properlyy when im around him and it kills me losing sleep thinking about him and our long lasting convos . I dont want to fall in love it hurts so much but i believe i already did... I am tired of this . Why cant we just be happy without all the struggle . Why ?