My "ultimate crush"

It all started when (yeah i was a little bit wanderer type at that time ) I used to bunked my courses and went to the famous university of the country with my friends. We used to have loads of fun together and thus had a marvelous journey there.

It was a Tuesday in the year 2013, (can't forget that day) when I first saw her at the bus stop , waiting to go home... I couldn't really understand that feeling I had undergone that moment, but I felt nice, and I kept watching her all the time till she got on the bus.

Then I said, " she's just a girl , nothing doing with her... its only for today, maybe you'll never see her again..." but it wasn't the case.

The next week, I don't really remember the day it was but there was a function there and I was invited by my friends to join them. Arriving there, I saw her again sitting with her friends and was just smiling , I couldn't resisted and had to get close to that area just to see her with her beautiful smile , AS CUTE AS A SWEET ANGEL. That time, I just fell for her.

Every time I went to that university , I had to wait till I see her and I used to follow her for some weeks. I never had the guts to make myself visible to her, I always used to hide or see her from a distance.

I tried to look for her on Facebook , but as it seems obvious that I didn't know anything about her; and I wouldn't even let my friends know that I've a crush for her. ( It was quite embarrassing for me).

So, as you can see, i'm a shy lad. Yeah it is!

Weeks passed by and I finally got to know her name....believe me, her name really suits her. I did a search by that only one name i knew on Facebook, but i couldn't find her at all, i spent hours and hours of search just to see if she was really on Facebook or not till i dropped the idea of looking for her on the net. so I made some research on her at the university itself and it was quite a good idea, found some infos about her ; she was in the faculty of Social studies (FSSH - Faculty of Social Studies and Humanities) , and was undergoing her Bsc Sociology In Specialization Gender Studies (which i didn't even know what was the course about -_- )

There was a period I had to cut off the "spying time" and got back to my studies. Years gone by and I never saw her again till 2015 ; the graduation day :D . There was some friends of mine was obtaining their graduation and i had to go. We, my friends and me, went to sit in the auditorium room and the room was chilling with the applause and wishes all around us. We were having a blast watching our friends on their black suits and getting on the stage to finally obtain their degrees , I was happy for them. As i was sitting at the back i couldn't clearly see all the students but then i heard a name from the announcer and to my great surprise, IT WAS HER. i just stood and watch her going up there, very well dressed up and kept her beautiful smile like she always did. I just couldn't react at that time , it was such a pleasure for the eyes to see the one i've known years before , in front of me again.

She was just more beautiful than anyone in the room ( Its obvious -_- ) . After the ceremony, I tried to wish her but as always , i'm too shy for it. But the good thing is that i saw her after so many months and it was just a blessing for me. I only wished i could have atleast talk to her even if she didn't know me, but what would be the excuse? My brain got messed up i was just standing there and watching her receiving compliments from everyone...except me :(

Now you all must be wondering why this guy (me) had never tried to approach her, right? well, I had so many complexes within me that i just cannot approach anybody; i was ugly AF ( i still am) , i am chubby, i smoke a lot, i consume alcohol and stuffs like that which really makes me ashamed of myself sometimes ( bad habit but it was for a reason; i live alone for more than 8 years...so much frustrations about life, i didnt do these things unknowingly , i know what i was doing , where was i going through ). Having a crush on her was just a waste of time, but my heart keep on looking for her every single time, then even wasting time by just seeing her from a distance for ever, i wont mind at all. But what now? She wont be at the university now. What to do? JUST NOTHING!!! I was really missing her ohhh but damnnn missing her. Just couldnt take her off my head at all.

One day, i got a friend request from a bud's cousin sister who was in trouble with her printer and had to seek help, through the help , we became quite good friends after some time later. We were just messing around on facebook by commenting on each others post's and so on, till there was a girl whoz name is totally stranger to me, commented on one of her status ive recently commented. It was weird as i think i may have seen her somewhere, i clicked on her profile and IT WAS HER!!!! DAMNNNN, that was just so good to finally see her on facebook but yeah, with a totally different name --' no wonder why i couldnt find her all these months ^^,

Till then i just kept in contact with my friends to get know more about her, well i was quite disappointed to know that she had already a boyfriend... i didn't feel bad at all as it was just a one sided attraction and maybe love , i just don't know it yet. Sent her friend request more than twice, but she just wouldn't accept my request, which made me sad :(

Every single day, i kept stalking her profile, not there has been a single moment i didn't check her out on Facebook during my free time :P I know its not right to do it, but I've downloaded some of her photos ( just didn't know what was going on my head that time) but i just wanted to admire her on my big screen. Knowing she already had a boyfriend, i just spent hours seeing her pictures , on my PC, my mobile or even on Facebook as well. I followed her on Instagram where thanks god she accepted my request; stalked her on Instagram too, like every of the single post she posted on Instagram...

The most recent day i saw her, was when she was attending a marriage in the neighborhood, wearing that traditional dress (which i dint want to give any details about) just made me gone speechless, no words to describe that beauty that was right there , in front of me, but i could only see her, she dint even noticed me. Sad! Again!

I wish i could relate more on this in details, but i think i'm feeling better now For those reading this , i really apologies for my bad English , and i hope, someday.... ill be able to make myself worthy. Cheers!

5 Comments

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  • Me I had a crush on that kind of girl, the most beautiful. I was no confident in me. Time to time i noticed she was looking at me but I never did a little move. Later a friend of her told me that she had a crush on me and waited until the last day. She is now married to a guy. I will regret all my life. So... go ahead, you have nothing to lose, maybe a no... but a no is truly nothing instead of regrets.

  • You can wait until you die ....

  • Why not? ^_^

  • You dont chase love brother....love comes to you. I feel u when u said u scared to go and tlk. Im ugly and thats why i never talk to my crush.

  • Maybe this is what prevents us from going furthur, or maybe its on our mind that stops ys from taking a step furthur...
    I appreciate you took time to read my sad story. Bless!

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