Annoyed at everyone

I'm so annoyed at all of my friends. My ex-best friend, who is too perfect for me to be around. My "best" friend, Jace, who I'm secretly attracted to... except he has a girlfriend. My OTHER "best" friend who I'm secretly attracted to... except she is the girlfriend of said friend Jace. Some of my lesser friends, who are more of acquaintances than real friends. The artist who's an attention w****, the boy who acts creepy, even when I fend off his advances, the perfect and popular girls and guys at my school. I'm annoyed at my brother, who acts too much like my dad. I'm annoyed at myself, because I act too much like both my mom AND dad. I'm annoyed at everyone, and people are starting to not like me for it.

My ex-best friend and I don't talk anymore because she moved away and I don't want to talk to her anymore anyways. Period.
My "best" friend, Jace, who's started ignoring me because he knows I like his girlfriend.
My other "best" friend, the girlfriend of Jace, who's so attractive that I get ultra-jealous. I want her to be mine, but Jace has her, and she doesn't want to "belong" to anyone. Possessives are a pet peeve around her.
The artist, who needs everyone's attention. She flirts with everyone, girl or guy, and touches and caresses you (nowhere naughty, thank God) whether you tell her to stop or not.
The creepy boy, who likes the artist, but makes advances towards me anyways. Maybe I should tell him I'm a lesbian or something...
The perfect & popular kids, who I'm afraid of. I barely talk to them. They want to talk to me, perhaps, but I join my "best" friends and acquaintances and pretend I'm alright.
My brother, who whines at home but is just a dork at school. He takes after my dad, and even though my dad doesn't necessarily whine, he still shouts and uses language. I hate it. And my brother is becoming a copy of him.
My mom, who tries to reason with my dad, but only makes him angrier.
My dad, who gets angry and shouts at my mom and my brother. But not at me. Sometimes I want to defend them, to say, "THAT'S MY MOM YOU'RE SHOUTING AT!", but I'm too scared to do so. And what's the point? Our relationship as father and daughter will only become more strained. I think my brother is his favorite child, but he constantly compares my brother to me.
Myself. I am the smart kid, who inherited my dad's smart genes. I am the oldest kid, the one who has more and more responsibilities every year at school. The team leader, who doesn't want the position but was forced into it. And I'm failing at it too. I'm failing as a friend and as a person. I am lazy and unreliable. I get good grades, but what use is that? People do not like me. I do not like them. And I do not think this is the way to live, but my lazy and uncaring self does not feel the immediate need to change it.

Oct 15, 2016

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