My husband owes hospital bills to the doctor's lawyer who sued him. We are supposed to be paying $100 a week until the debt is paid, or they will begin garnishment of his check. Our electric bill is two months behind. I had to go into the main office at the electric company this morning and ask the manager to please not turn off our electricity until Friday when my husband gets paid. She talked to me like I was a homeless stray dog. I had to explain to her that we were behind on all of our bills and that we were in debt and that we were sincerely sorry and asking her to allow us an extension so that we and our children wouldn't be cold this week. She snarled her nose into the air and lectured me about being 2 months behind and that it could not continue to happen and that she hears "sad stories" from people with small children everyday and other "irrelevant stories" as to why people can't pay their power bill. And she lectured me with air quotes as I stood there with tears in my eyes practically begging for her mercy.
I hate to admit that I am wishing so hard for hard times to fall upon the manager at the electric company. I want her to experience the struggle and I want her to experience what it's like to be talked down to. I want her to experience what it is like to be counting dimes to make it through the week. Most of all, I want someone to make her feel less than human, to show her the exact same unkindness that she showed to me this morning.
I'm so sad because this is the time of year that everyone else is so happy and excited.
I am thankful for what I have, but it's so hard to not be envious of those who are able to go shopping for their family members Christmas presents this year.
I'm sad because I am not allowed to be excited and happy about Christmas.
And there are those people who ask me if I'm "ready" for Christmas. A little piece of me shrivels up and dies each time I hear that question. I force a smile on my face and reply, "getting there!"