Separated & Stressed (and pregnant)

My husband and I have been separated for the last 10 months. We're working on our issues, and hope to get back together. We have two boys (ages 5 and 8). He lives about an hour away, but we talk on the phone with regularity.

During our separation, I have been faithful to him, except once. I belong to a cycling club with a couple of guys from work (I'll call them Matt and Jim), and we ride on weekends. The exercise helps me to feel good about myself, as I've become really fit in the last year (I haven't looked this good in years). Well, one day after riding we went to Matt's place to cool down and have a drink or two. Well, those two drinks became many, as we were having fun listening to music and chatting. The hours sped by. I didn't have the kids that weekend, so it was nice to simply relax and enjoy some "me" time with my friends.

As we hung out, we told our share of risque jokes and I recognized that Matt, who is single, was flirting with me. Jim, who is married, was flirting a little too. Frankly, I liked their attention as well as their company. At one point, I mentioned I was feeling sore from the bicycle ride, and Matt offered me a back and leg rub to which I agreed. We moved into the living room where I could lie on the floor. Sipping his beer, Jim came over to hang out and watch.

Matt's hands on my body felt heavenly. I hadn't been touched in months, so I melted in his fingertips. I was getting a bit damp below, and I could tell Matt was a little aroused too, as I could see the outline of his hard rig in his spandex cycling shorts. I kidded him about it, and he just said, "We could do something about it, you know." Against my better judgement, and due to the drinks and his electric touch, I replied, "Yeah, sure." We kissed and started undressing.

Matt and I made out for a minute or two, and then Jim joined us. Their hands, fingers, and tongues were all over me and in me. I nearly got off just from having my nips sucked. At one point Matt was rubbing his member against my l****, but I told him to stop, because I was not on the pill. I said, "You're not going in there without a wrapper." He left to grab some condoms and tossed one to Jim upon returning. They put them on and we started to take it to the next level.

We had s** for the next hour and a half (with a few mini breaks), and it was one of the most loving, caring, beautiful experiences I've ever had. They were so tender and gentle. The two of them turned me inside out until I trembled. I knew I was cheating on my hubby, but we were separated, it felt so good to be loved and wanted, and I hadn't been laid in nearly a year. It was a perfect storm.

Well, I was late on my period the next month, which had me freaking out. The worst case scenario ended up happening: I was pregnant. To make it worse, I had no idea whether it was Matt or Jim, since I had them both a couple of times each. We used condoms, and I don't think any broke, so I was a little dumbfounded. Seeds got inside, but I have no idea how (small hole in condom? c** on fingers?). I could see the tips of their condoms were mostly filled when they pulled out. I still think about it with shock.

I have told both Matt and Jim that "we have an issue" and we're still talking things through. Matt is okay with whatever I decide. Jim is scared to death that if it is his, it will ruin his marriage (his wife has no idea about what we did). I'm generally against abortion, but it crosses my mind. I'm thinking mostly about keeping the child.

I haven't seen my husband since this went down, and haven't told him yet. He is going to freak out. Just thinking about that freaks me out. I haven't told my mother either, since I can't figure out how to explain what I did and the paternal ambiguity issue. This is so mentally exhausting that I want to crawl into a hole and disappear.


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  • Accidents happen. Did you decide to keep the baby? I'd tell your husband too. You've been separated for a long time, but he needs to know if the family dynamic has changed (i.e., child), if he comes back to you. He should know that you got pregnant. You could also put it up for adoption.

    IMO, your mother doesn't need to know, if you think she is going to be judgmental towards you. Just steer clear of her for a while, until you figure out this issue.

  • I'd keep the baby; it is yours and you don't have to tell anyone about the father if you don't want to. Maybe this may lead to a life that you are happier with. Ten months is too long to be separated with no s** and I have a hard time believing he went that long without; some can I guess. But, not resolving your marriage issues in a timely manner kind of caused this and if you couldn't figure it out in that length of time and didn't have a problem cheating then you are probably better off alone or with the dad if he chooses to be part of your child's life. Good luck.

  • Why wouldn't you think having s** when separating is not part of the deal. That of course is a given. It's exploring life without your partner in every way.
    The question is are you happier now and are you ready to be a mom again.
    Your x Will have to take it back but do you want to

  • It amazes me that people think they can be sexual without consequences. The failure rate of condoms is small, but still significant enough. You needed to think that situation through, before opening those thighs.

  • There is no way out of this one. Your relationship with your husband is doomed. Sorry.

  • I'd tell the estranged husband, put the kid up for adoption, and work on repairing the damage. It sounds like it was a hot afternoon, though. šŸ”„šŸ”„šŸ”„

  • That's what you get for being a w****. Now have fun explaining it to your soon to be ex husband and your children . You family will be so proud of you !

  • I would say your marriage is over accept in now and figure out how to move on. Any problems you had been working out with your husband won't matter at all once he finds out you are pregnant and don't even know which of them are the father.

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