Bad Dad

I'm an overwhelmed miserable father of 2. My sons are 3 and 1 respectively and although I'm grateful for them I resent them equally. Oddly if anything were to happen to either of them I'd be devastated yet I do anything to give myself a break from being around them.

I'm 39 and my neighbor once told me, "having children is the hardest thing you'll ever do with no training". The most honest statement anyone could have given me, having kids is thankless, never ending and difficult work with horrible hours, no vacation and they are expensive! Let's be honest; who'd hang out with someone who sucks on your wife's t***, s**** his pants and expects you to feed them and tend to their every need all the while ruining your sleep!

I wasn't prepared, I like order, cleanliness and freedom all of which you need to realize will be lost when you have children. Simply saying, having kids is a great idea if you're more worried about the needs of others and care little about the needs of yourself. That is not a slight, I liked the life I had built for me and my wife, travel, nice things and lots of intimacy all of which no longer exist. Having kids is forever forfeiting your needs for the needs of your kids, the sacrifice is real.

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  • If you were so self-centered why did you bother having kids?, you're not a bad dad but you are going to become one. Not everybody has to have kids, but you have to own up to them, do the best job you can, yes it is frustrating but it is rewarding.

  • For the record you're not a bad dad....you're just human.

  • Im a daughter, and seeing a father see this post kinda makes me feel sad that parents actually feel that way. But its parenthood isnt it how it should go? :(

  • I'm 40 and have had very similar feelings. I try to get away for 1 weekend a year and one 5 day trip to Vegas. you need to go on a bender once and a while to get out your frustratuons. you need time to yourself or your going to kill someone.

  • It gets both easier and tougher!!! My son is 12. He is a lot less demanding on my time and sleep, but now there are new worries... Good luck, Dad <3

  • This is why I am 40 married but have no desire to have kids.

    No this is not really why, your post just reinforces my feelings but the real and main reason why I dont want to have kids is simply because I DONT WANT IT, I dont feel that desire to be a father, I dont want to write posts like you do or have those feelings if I have kids, and I am pretty sure I will feel that way if I have kids and make all the sacrifices you describe. I just dont feel I want to make those sacrifices for the "pleasure" of having kids, sorry I dont apologyze for that, I am just very aware of my life and I want to be happy ALWAYS.

    IF one day I feel I am ready to MAKE those sacrifices for the pleasure of raising a child, well then that day I will tell my wife that I want to have kids, I am READY to not sleep, give up my liberty, intimacy, money. I will be ready to give up all that to raise a child, and I wont have any regrets.

    Meanwhile no sorry I dont feel I must have a child because anybody else in the world tells me I should have a child, nobody else is going to raise a child so the opinions of others really dont matter of what I should or shouldnt do in my life.

    So far my wife is with me, and that is the only gigantic IF about kids in my life. I love my wife, if one day she tells me she needs to have kids or she will leave me then I dont know what I will do but most probably I will have to give in. I dont think my wife will ever put me against the wall like that, so far I have tried to convince her about all the gigantic cons of having children and she doesnt want them either... for now... but that is the only piece that I have no control over in my life.

    I know this is a long post on a meaningless website I guess I just felt like writing right now

  • Discipline. Actually it sounds like you exude negativity and apathy and indifference. So they take after you.

    Teach them obedience and respect.

  • Had to laugh a little remembering the toddler days. They seemed long back then, now I miss them terribly. I used to have my movies alphabetized in shelves. My child's favorite things to rip out of. He's 15 now, and I have no desire to alphabetize them anymore. I'm still trying to teach him where his laundry basket is. Trust me, It flies by. Please enjoy every minute you can with them. I have friends whose children have passed and they have overwhelming regrets. You and your wife need some occasional alone time yes, but remember, children are a gift of love from god!

  • I hear and feel this to the core! Sending you well wishes. Good luck.

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