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Honest Guy
So I've been dating this girl for nearly 3 months now and I really like her. I think she's beautiful and we've really good chemistry. Anytime shes asked me something about my past or present I have alway told her the truth. That's more than I can say for some girls I been with. So the other day she flat out asks how many girls I've been with. She had asked about previous relationships and stuff before but never anything like this. So I said what, do you want me to make a list and add them up?? She says yea and that she will too so we both agree to be completely honest and go into separate rooms and write down everyone we can remember ever having a sexual encounter with. This is her idea btw and we put them in envelopes to open after she goes home. She leaves and when I open her envelope later that afternoon there are only 5 guys on there!! Also I'm 36 and she's 32 so we're no spring chickens. From my count before I sealed the envelope that I gave her it was 73. Now she refuses to even talk to me!! WTF!! I really did like her and it's not like I been cheating on her! This was all the past! Why does it matter is what I wanna know. She liked me before that but now she say she's done? Whatever!
I would have said only 2, her mother and her sister.
Female here, and I'd say 73 is a lot. Surely you were not in that many long-term, committed relationships (it would be impossible), so it is obvious that you've hooked up a ton over the years. It's your behavior and, by implication, attitude about casual ** that has her concerned.
I'm not saying she's right in asking (don't ask what you don't want to know), but it's logical that she sees your history as a "red flag."
Casual ** is nothing. Why not engage in it, if you're willing, single and the other person is willing? As long as both parties are being safe and it's consensual, it shouldn't be a concern.
I totally agree with you, this woman shouldn't have asked, if she couldn't accept the truth. Hopefully, she won't judge him on his past transgressions/history, because that doesn't have any relevance in regards to his relationship with her. His past is in the past and was before she came along.
I am 56 never married and have had ** with over 100 women. It is what men do, married or not.
Her number may be zero
Not anymore
Women lie. If she said 5 guys, that may have meant her max in one night.. The real number overall is probably more like 40.. I was dating a woman with many guy friends from her hs days, one of whom I knew from the bar I go to (before I met her, and, didn't like him one bit). Asked her one night, did you ever sleep with him, and she said no... We were having a few drinks one night some time later, and she let it slip that, yeah, he ** her back in the day and even tried after she and I met.. Lying sack of trash she was...
People lie. Don't be biased against women, we aren't "all" the same.
Actually most women tell the truth about how many partners they had in the past. Its mostly men lying about all the people they slept with like its a badge of honor or something to sleep with a bunch of different woman.
I agree.
What those particular men don't realise is; the amount of sexual conquests they've had or lie about having, doesn't automatically make them a better lover in bed, compared to those that haven't had many.
Some think good bedroom skills is related to how many people they've slept with, when in fact it's not necessarily true.
**. You are just spewing without any evidence.
A lot of women talk about being **-positive, but they are the worst offenders. I also learned my lesson, when I was much younger with my ex-girlfriend. Later on when my wife asked me how many I had slept with I went on a "you're ** shaming me" rant that she never asked again.
That dumbass **.
She isn't a dumbass **, she's just a shallow person.
Why did she ask you, if she knew she couldn't accept the truth once revealed?! If she really liked you, how many people you've slept with - wouldn't matter. I don't understand, what her problem is!
She appears extremely judgemental and shallow. Who you slept with prior to dating her, isn't any of her business! You'd think you cheated on, by her response! What an **!
It's not your concern and problem she has issues. They're hers alone to remedy, not yours :)
You'll find a genuine person to share your life with one day, but this immature person isn't for you.
From a girl's point of view it is a lot. Really think about the number she put down and then think about the number you put down and if you really like this girl, then compare them. Don't you think it scares her to think that she cared so much that she didn't spread herself around a lot, but your number says to her that you didn't care at all? Your number probably says to her that if she does anything wrong or isn't perfect that you will be out the door and onto the next girl without giving her a thought. If you really like her, then back up and try to court her and tell her how you feel about her and how that differs from how you felt before. What she needs is reassurance.
Just because he slept with numerous people, doesn't mean he doesn't have respect for himself and the people he engaged ** with!
People have no-strings attached ** all the time. It's not unhealthy if you're single, promiscuous and using precautions whilst having sexual fun!
If the women are up for it, why not.
It's not as if he stated he cheated on anyone!
Just because she hasn't slept with as many people, doesn't give her the right to judge him - because he has. That was her choice not to. Everyone is entitled to make their own choices and not judge anyone else, if their choices are different to other people's.
It was none of her business in the first place, if it happened before her it is for you to decide whether you diclose. if it was guy making a stink about how many guys shes been with it would be the same thing.
I agree
If she's that petty, and so wrapped up in the past (whether yours or hers), and thinks you are suddenly not worth her time (even to explain herself), she is not who you thought she was, and not someone you want to spend your time with or your effort on. My suggestion is to let her calm down a bit and see if she changes her attitude and contacts you, but that you not attempt to explain yourself: you have no apology to make and no explanation to offer. If you feel like you simply MUST reach out to her for some reason, send her an email and say something to the effect of this: "Dear _____, I'm sorry if my candor shocked or upset you. I wanted to be honest with you, and so I was. I wanted to be honest, because that's what we agreed to, because I like you a lot, and because I thought what we were developing was lovely and very much worth pursuing. I still think that. I'd like to see you again, but not so that I can apologize for my past: it is what it is, and I'm not ashamed of it. I regret that that past seems to have driven a wedge between us, but I'm not sorry for my actions before I met you. If you're still interested in seeing where this can go, 'this' between us, please let me know. Otherwise, I won't annoy you by attempting to reach out further." Put it in your own words, not mine, so that it sounds like you, not me. I wish you only the best.
Thank you! I may have to steal your words. That's perfect!!
Everyone has a past. Given your age, it really isn't that high of a number. In any case, for the future it shouldn't be a number that defines you. Sorry she can't get over it. Don't give up, she may still come around.
Age is irrelevant sometimes, in regards to how many people a person sleeps with. It's based on preferences, not ages.