The world is beautiful and terrible
I am a girl who is a freshman in college. I have a wonderful family, good friends, a great education, and a fantastic life overall. I am aware of this and of the opportunities that I have had over the years.
Yet every day I feel both overwhelming joy and overwhelming sadness. The world is so foul, so disgusting, and people can be so hateful. My room mate is a racist and other people around me seem so bigoted and cruel. I have met many people here in the past few weeks, but they all seem so superficial and only care about appearances. Some people seem sweet and down to earth, but they are hard to find. At the same time, I see so many caring people who try to do good. It leaves me so confused.
I want to talk to someone about these feelings, but I can't because when I have tried to voice them, no one seems to understand. I know that almost everyone thinks these thoughts, and similar thoughts, so I don't see why people can't talk about them. I feel so out of place, and weird. The guys that I am friends with here clearly think that I am strange, and I'm afraid that no guy will ever like me again, let alone love me. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and we were deeply in love, and I fear that I will never get that again, that no one will think that I am worthwhile.
I know that I should just appreciate my incredible life, but sometimes it's hard.