My teenage daughter is ruining my life...

I totally understand you. My will be 16 yr. old daughter makes me feel like sh*t too. As if I was a stepmother or something. She's everything you described about your daughter. She's always jealous of her brothers, I believe she wants me dead. My marriage is falling apart and I feel my husband doesn't care about me anymore. I wish I was gone. They hate and does not love me.

My 14 year old daughter ended up in the ER for smoking weed and lied through her teeth about it until the ER MD told me it was drugs... not even a week later she sneaks out and goes to Venice beach, which is 30+ miles from home. She is spoiled, selfish, and a product of a single mom. Her dad is intermittently in her life. She doesn’t care about anyone or anything but herself and I am so sick of her. She’s messy, lazy, and is constantly scheming behind my back. I’ve lost all respect for her after everything and I just hate her right now, it is making me so depressed...... idk what I’ll do anymore.

No ones ends up in ER from smoking weed…

I feel the same at the moment. My daughter is defiant and rude. She's 12. Last night whilst I was at work she and her friends proceeded to paint her bedroom. Something I expressly told her not to do. She has trashed her brand new carpet in doing so. She called me a c**t and told me her (deadbeat) dad is a better parent than I will ever be. I am a single mum, working all the hours I can to raise her and her sister. I feel like I could run away right now.

I'm finding the following article incredibly insightful:

http://theattachedfamily.com/membersonly/?article=restoring-attachment-with-your-teen

I’m sitting here sobbing reading this !!! It New Year’s Day and I just returned home to carnage. I gave my 15 year old daughter permission to stay at a friends house for New Year’s Eve whilst we (husband 2 kids ) went to stay with family over night. My one mistake I did nt check with the other mum she was staying! What was to be a few girls staying at the house turned out to be 50 teenagers ransacking my house........ I’m devastated, windows broken fence panels in, I ve collected 150 gas canisters, pot butts, hundreds of empties. It’s not the material, it’s the emotional it feels like my house has been broken into. My little boy terrified going to bed, incase the naughty boys come back! I lost it and hate my behaviour with her. I ending up calling the police as I did nt know what to do with canasters and thankfully they absolutely tore a strip of my daughter told what could of happen, **, drugging, knife violence ...... how could she, how could she lie, how could she abuse me! I’m devastated broken beyond belief.

Pick up a broom and beat the sh*** out of these damned teenagers and then put them in foster care. No one tells you having kids will be a death sentence to your peace. Better not to have kids ever.

Hmm, nobody's attacked you for being truthful yet. Do allow me:

"WAAAH! You insensitive **!!! You can't know what this is like!! Don't judge!! Don't disrespect!! Just don't!!

...Hmm. You know what would make my life so much sweeter? Having another baby... You never know real love until you have a precious, sweet child of your own..."

Hahah this was the best reply I've read. These little bastards have way too much power. I will probably lose everything if I beat my teen and send her to a foster home, but man she ** deserves it by now, like these other brats!!!

Try telling that to all the bitter breeders who took time from their "busy" schedules to come on here and either whine about their lives or hiss bitterly at people like you and me, who had the sense to not reproduce. Every screed just confirms what we already knew.

Yeah, you seem super busy yourself

I think you just wrote about my life. I feel there is no hope for my 12 year old daughter, and she is mentally damaging her younger sisters. Its pure ** being around her and I try so hard and all to be treated like garbage. She makes it her life's mission to cause me mental anguish. She hates me and lets it be known. I have no life, no friends, no family to turn to. I litteraly give her no reason to treat me this way. I feel the only way to save my other 2 girls and myself from further torture is to find her somewhere else to live. She has no other parent that can help. I love my daughter but I do not like her and cannot continue living like this another moment. It hurts so much to say and I hate myself for feeling this way. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything and nothing is working.

My God, I have a similar situation. My daughter does have pervasive depressive disorder and probably BPD. Mental issues run on my side of the family (my parents being early boomers never talked about it). Had I known, I may not have had children. She by far is the hardest to deal with and she is my oldest. I have delt with her awful language and the most cruel and disgusting things a human can say to another for 10 years (she's 17 now). Been to a slew of therapists, tried medication when she was younger. I'd like her to try again and go back to therapy, but she refuses. Our family suffers because of her behavior and frankly, the first thing on my mind when I wake every day is that I wish I wouldn't.

I love how I'm even ignored on a forum designed to support other moms. Ever since I've been aware, ) 4 years old) I have been ignored. I must be the invisible person, and my words are even more so. Wtf was I born?

I really understand the pain that having someone like this in your life can cause. It's so toxic and dysfunctional! It sounds like while the issue with your teen needs some attention, you should also get some help and support for you as an individual (self care). Maybe talk to your doctor for example, about possible solutions to help bolster you, and then you can be stronger for dealing with the dysfunctional dynamic with the teenager. Either way, I get it!

Are you ok? I only just read this today. You’re not invisible.

I just started reading this today. I went through the worst experiences with my daughter when I was face planted after a four year family court case, lost everything I worked my entire life for to protect a daughter who spent the next 4 years 14-17+when I just gave up and was told by therapists I didn’t have to worry about liability issues because she wasn’t 18 yet due to ALL the history and documentation of me doing everything a mother could do. They said it could prove my mental health could no longer take the abuse. I just wanted a year off.
She was a wonderful child and happy and innocent and I was a single mother. We worked together for her to be an honor roll student getting taekwondo black belt while I ran a successful small business prior to the court abuse and turned into what I can only guess was trauma triggered personality disorder.

From 14 out she turned on me like a demon entered her and groups of people were helping her believe she had every reason to do this! Mainly because the one group was a toxic family putting negative horrible stuff in her head and possibly sexually abused her. I’m No longer sure what was true or false anymore.

I can only read these comments believing the kids are completely out of control and targeted many times from all directions. Social media and just society is torn.

My daughter is 20 now with a son nearly 2 and I am saving myself now. She can be with those who she relates to that aren’t me. I did my best and I am proud of my efforts. I am so spent I don’t have hope or care she’ll ever remember or care about the truth. She’s rooted herself in zero values and standards lifestyle. Tried of fighting it.
Just know you are not alone but get any help you can for yourself! (((❤️)))

It’s funny, I also have come to the stage where I don’t know if I’m wrong or right anymore. It’s anything for a quiet life with my husband so it’s easier to back her up than me. I know I wasn’t this monster she has created to the CPS but they’re not interested in anything I have to say. I feel as tho I’m losing my mind. I feel like just giving in to it all. I am alone in a flat as she won’t have me in the house. Where has my little girl gone? She has shattered my life and wrecked my once very happy marriage. I’m not even allowed to ring him at home. I really just want to die.
BTW to all you self-righteous cows. We didn’t ask for this. We brought our children into the world and did our best. We are in pain because we loved them and are bewildered at the ** we’ve found ourselves in. Your smugness adds to the awful hurt we are feeling - our hopelessness, our despair.

Agree. At some point, they have to go out on their own, make mistakes and figure it out alone. I've completely run out of patience with my 15 yo son, and I'm a very patient person with infinite forgiveness, but I can't take his nonstop abuse anymore. He has all the power in our household, but he's absolutely an evil psychopath who, I believe, needs intense psychiatric treatment in order to ever have a chance at a normal and productive life. Due to his many years and many layers of crafty lies, it would take far too long for a professional to even get to the real issue - it took me 15 years to finally figure him out, and I live with him 24/7. By the time they do figure him out, I'll have probably many (false) criminal charges, job losses, and social service cases because of his lies. All I can do now is let him go and cut myself off emotionally. I truly believe he will be the death of me and possibly his little sister if I continue to let him live with us, so he has to go. I choose my self and my other child over him BECAUSE HE HAS FORCED ME TO MAKE THAT CHOICE. None of us have to feel guilty for saving the victims.

I feel like I don't want to wake up too.

Do you ever feel that all past happiness counts for nothing? The memories only cause you more pain? You can’t even have them?

You being a pacifist is probably has probably not helped the situation. have you told her all these feelings that you are having about her? i would imagine that would help. even a teenager should feel some kind of shame for being a **. shame her enough and maybe she'll change a bit. you need to act on this. make a point of talking about it and working on it, every day.

You are so right in your thinking, really, but I think for some of us the problem is that we ARE doing these things and it's just not working. It's simply exasperating! When I talk to my son about the impact of his behaviour, he now openly admits he just doesn't care much.

You make me realise how lucky and grateful I am, that I chose not to have children.

Good luck with your daughter

I wish I could say the same. Never have kids.

Why are you reading this then? To get off?

Absofuckinglutely! It's HILARIOUS when the types of parents who look down their noses at others become overwhelmed by the not-quite-Kodak-Moments!

Some may call it "karma", but I don't believe in that **. It's more a matter of dumb people "discovering" what the intelligent people knew was coming all along. It's quite healing to laugh at someone who dismissed you for years. ** it up and learn to be nicer to those who choose not to breed!

Aw, poor you

Hehe, we parents aren't allowed to speak about how awful it can be (even though we secretly want to) 😉

We know. It's evident not just in anonymous posts, but in pretty much everything you do

You made that mess. You deserve what you got. My kid is a teenage girl, and she's not always a joy to be around but she's a good kid and I love her with every fiber of my being.

Good for you. Go away and judge your own lousy life, not those of us who are suffering

Totally.

I love the self-righteous! What delightful, blissful ignorance!

I would like to ask you this:
Do you think that when we held our new born daughters in our arms that we didn’t love them with every fibre of our beings? That when we nursed them, changed them, played with them, marvelled at their first tottering steps, dreamed about their futures, watched anxiously at their first day at school that we didn’t love them with every fibre in our beings? Have you the smallest notion how shattered, bewildered and hopeless we are?
Do you think we wouldn’t give all we have to have your happy situation?

Teenage years can be tough, but is something else going on that maybe you don't know about? Drugs? Mental illness? Is she just acting out? Remember you are the parent, not her friend. You are there to hand down the consequences and enforce the punishments. Do not enable the behavior. If she has anything like a car, cell phone whatever that you pay for, take them away until she changes her attitude. This is going to be hard because as you said you're passive and it makes it harder because she's doing more to test you. Is your husband at home or are you divorced? Can you send her to live with him? Does she even mind him? Or even get her into counseling? Sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully, something will shift and you can one day have that mother daughter relationship. Thankfully, the teen years do end at some point. Take time for yourself as well.

This mom needs help, if you can't help no need to be rude!
Dear mom,
Are you married or single? Has any ** or trauma happend to her as child? They're so many factors that lead her here that you didn't explain or you may not be aware of. I am exactly in the same situation with my 16 year old daughter too. She is all the words that you explained about your daughter too and much more. I am a single immigrant mom. My husband and I divorced when she was 5 and we both moved to another country, then we again moved to USA when she was 9 and half, then my ex husband killed himself when she was 10. All this traveling and traumas including my lack of setting boundaries and rules turned her into a monster now. I gave her too much love and whatever she asked for, just because I was sorry for her and I felt guilty for moving her to different places and her dad's death. So I gave her whatever she wanted instead of teaching her disciplines. I even didn't get married or have boyfriend. I am a dedicated mom and I spent tons of money on her volleyball, piano, private schools and else. After her dad died she asked me to travel to so many places and I did almost 40 different countries all together since she was small till now. I thought I'm pleasing her and she won't feel the pain of not being with her family and her dad.now what I get from her is **, she hits me, and doesn't respect me AT ALL. She talks back and says so many rude words.
But I am the one who created this MONSTER!
I have been taking her to therapy since we moved to USA but it never helped until 2 weeks ago I went to therapy myself because she was refusing to go, and the therapist without seeing her base on my worlds has diagnosed her with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

And I took her to another therapist for adolescence and she also diagnosed her with the same thing and depression too.
My point is your daughter may have some kind of disorder that you may not be aware of and make sure see few therapist to find out the result, remember I saw 3 therapist since my daughter was 9 and half and no one find out about her Disorder till 2 weeks ago.

Please try to find the cause. It may be chemical imbalance in her brain or just the lack of discipline. Sometimes like my case you can't do it alone and you need a professional help. Do it before it too late please.

You are so ** yourself. You are a wonderful woman and a superb mother. I can’t tell you how much I admire and respect you. You deserve nothing but love and admiration. My only hope would be that one day your daughter will feel sorry for what she has put you through. Warmest regards.

**???

That's the completely frustrating part- often parents ARE doing what they are supposed to, and it just doesn't work. Take for example kids with ADHD, which is often associated with oppositional and defiant behaviours, particularly during the normally rebellious teen years. Such kids often can't connect consequences with actions because they act completely on impulse. Judgment in exponentially poor.

It so hard listening to all the feedback you get as the parent like, "well I would TELL him not to do that", or, "well I wouldn't put up with that"; or I even once heard from a well meaning friend "you have to TEACH him to..."

You think?!?!

This just doesn't work for all of them, especially if you have a cocktail of conditions at play. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and it's still pretty awful. The most therapeutic thing for me personally is listening to strangers online say it's ** for them too. Thanks you guys!

Thank you for your wonderful post. It is so true having a child with ADHD and other conditions makes everything 1000 times worse. I just feel like such a failure because I’ve done everything I possibly can think of and more and things are still a nightmare in my house.

You are not a failure. What you are going through would break the strongest of us.