Knocked up my neighbour
This is not a s** story, but its true.
When I was living in Jersey, the apartment opposite mine was occupied by a woman who was around 35 or 36 and worked in advertising. I was an young guy in my first job, and we were friendly, but not particularly close. She was a bit overweight and worked as a legal clerk.
One day she just knocked on my door looking a bit flustered. She said her freezer was not working and she needed to store something at my place ASAP. She told me it was a prescription medicine she had to keep cool, and she'd come back to take it once hers was ready. I said sure, no problem and took a paper bag sealed with tape that seemed to have a pill box inside.
As luck would have it, a couple of hours while getting my own dinner, I knocked against the package and it fell. When I went to pick it up, it seemed wet. Realized the case must have burst and thinking I might have to pay 100s of $s, I scooped it up in my hands and tried to put it on a plate. It was about 30 seconds before it hit me - this is congealed sperm.
We will skip over the nausea and hand washing parts. After cleaning up I read the container and saw it was from a sperm bank for self fertilization (like with a turkey baster). I felt a bit sorry about my neighbor, but was nervous about getting caught. So...I jacked off into the container, resealed it up in a fresh bag with tape and put it innocently into the freezer.
I just ignored her for a couple of weeks, then she later happily tells me shes pregnant. I smiled and congratulated her, and quickly found another job in another city before things got complicated. No idea where she and the kid are now, but I wonder about them sometimes.