I miss her. I can't help it.

Hey dude please don't do what I did and suffer for years with self defeating, low self esteem thought patterns in pit of pain and depression. Please get help from a professional to help you heal faster and move forward in life. Wish you well.

Thank you so very VERY much for the input and the perspective. And you're right: I'm doing this to myself. It's not being done to me, although I frequently think of my wife and her new love having done it to me. She was never focused on me, during the marriage or during its destruction and termination: she was only thinking of her betterment, not my damage. As I mentioned before, I didn't have good results with therapy, but it could be that I didn't locate the right counselor, or that I didn't open myself to help. And yes, forward is where I need to go. Thanks for the prod, and for the well wishes. Both are much appreciated. Good luck to you, as well, in your continued healing.

Find new **. That one's gone.

I must admit: hers was good. REALLY good. And that became part of the problem. It hurt to think of her sharing that with anyone else.

Is that all you loved about your ex? Is that why you fell on love with her - because she had a great **? You obviously aren't a decent person by this comment and it's self-evident shy your ex left you, If you think a woman having a great ** determines the woman's worth! Shame on you!

If you have such an embarrassingly small understanding of the world or the human existence, or of the ways in which humans express themselves, or of comprehending a series of simple, connected comments, then please just stop posting here. Every time you write something, you are humiliating yourself. You aren't providing any helpful observations, or being provocative, or standing up for any principles; you're just being annoying, like a baby crying because its diaper is full.

Your opinion is irrelevant and inaccurate. But thank you for sharing it :)

Is that all he said he thinks about her? He said he loved her. He acknowledge the s** was good or great. Why can't there be both? You read way to much in one comment that he was simply replying back to someone else. Jeeez

A woman is worth more and is more, than what's between there legs! If you don't think so, you obviously don't have any respect for women and that includes your mother! Was or is your mother not a great role model to you? Is that why you refer to women as **?

You'll have to let it go or you'll never be happy but I know how you feel

Thanks for the kindnesses. I appreciate that very much. Although I'm sorry to learn that you've had the same experiences and responses. I wish you well.

Your not welcome

YOLO GO GET HER KICK THAT ** OUT

Hahahahahahaha good ** luck with that

URHOMO

And, your point is what?!

You ** up she's not coming back just let her go and accept the fact she's happy now!!!!

It's not that Simple for some people mate

It's never that simple. But that doesn't mean, it's impossible mate (:

It's a truism, I know, but the reason some things rise to the level of truism is that they're largely true: time heals all wounds. And it will heal yours. I wish you all the best.

I had 2 long term relationships that failed. I know people are very different, some can be very philosophical about it and move on very quickly. Other people like me that are emotional based can't do that and we lament a great deal. It takes me 2 years to get over a relationship loss.

I agree completely. I have several guy friends who think I'm weak (they use more harsh words, as you would imagine) because I didn't start seeing other women as soon as I found out my wife was leaving. The result? I don't talk to them about it anymore AT ALL. So, as far as they know, I'm over this, and my absence from the dating scene is just pickiness about who I see: when we're silent about a topic, our friends will supply a reason, or position, or alternative, so I allow them to do just that. I understand your feelings about this, I do. We don't want to be in that hole, but it is of such a depth that it takes a long time to climb out. People will tell us that we are continuing to dig it deeper, but they aren't looking closely enough: what may look like a shovel from the surface is actually a pickaxe we use to hoist ourselves up.

I hear you. I feel for you. You invest your heart and time into the relationship and then she breaks the trust. Leaves you wondering what's wrong with you. Questions and more questions.

Good luck man in getting your self back feeling ok about yourself.

I can readily see that you have been where I am. Thanks so much for the encouragement. That support would have great benefit coming from anyone, but coming from some who knows the terrain, it's invaluable.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I appreciate your sympathy. Just understanding the situation means a lot, and reaching out in kindness really helps.

It's okay to miss someone and have fond memories of your ex. But holding on is preventing you from really living your life and finding love again. Enough time has passed, you need to find a way to move forward with your life. If you ever want to have a healthy relationship, you need to find some closure. Look into a good counselor and invest in really grieving the loss of this relationship. You owe that to yourself, your ex and any new loves that enter into your life. No one new will ever be given a fair shake until you deal with this. She's already left you for another man, don't let her ghost prevent you from finding someone new.

This is very sound advice. I went to counseling for 4 or 5 sessions, beginning before the divorce went through, but I didn't like the counselor very much, and didn't care for her approach. I should try someone else, but it's kinda expensive for me. Still, I know it can be worthwhile. As for any "new loves", I truly hate the thought of "dating", and haven't met anyone that genuinely interests me, so I've not dated at all. I know: that's a symptom of what you're talking about. I keep thinking the hurt will eventually start to leak out of my system over time, but so far, that hasn't begun. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to give this situation serious thought and then put your thoughts into words. I don't take that for granted.

Sure! We have all been there in some form or another. Break ups are hard. They hurt and you don't get over someone overnight. Someone told me two little bits of wisdom that are so true when you are dealing with a broken heart. 1. You just need for your heart to catch up to your head. It will happen. Eventually. 2. You need to go through the same steps of grief for a break up that you would do for the death of a loved one. You are obviously not ready to meet anyone. When you're ready, you'll know. Now is the time for you to work on you. Who are you without her. What is it that you miss about her? But look into some other form of counseling or look into self help books on getting through it. I totally understand about dating. It is so freaking scary out there, I am not going to lie. And when you're not in your 20's or 30's..yes especially so. I get it!! Maybe don't go on the dating sites. Maybe look into meet ups or other things that you're interested in and you never know some nice single woman will be at the same event. When you're ready and open to it, it will happen.

Not everyone has been in his predicament or experiences similar emotions from different experiences. So don't make statements such as "we've all been there is some form or another" you meant well.
But the rest of your comment was stood advice :)

You made some valid points. However, to state enough time has past, is a little condescending. Everyone is different and the time a person heals from a relationship ending, varies. But I do agree the op may require support and therapy, to help him heal from this ordeal.

You seem like a considerate person and it's apparent you mean well :)

How long was your relationship?

The marriage lasted for 11 years, but we were together -- dating and/or living together -- for a total of over 4 years before that. Thanks for asking.

I can try to understand and sympathise with what you're feeling, due to feeling empathy for you. But I can't understand truly what you're going through, because I'm not you and I'm not experiencing first hand how you're feeling. It's understandable you're feeling emotions of betrayal, loss and so forth. You was with your ex for 15 years, you made a life with her, she was your special friend, as well as your lover and life partner. You probably made life plans together, had a future together and saw yourselves growing old gracefully together. So it's understandable you'd miss her. She was a major component and existence in your life, she was your life. To no longer have this person in your life, that you've known for years and that's been an integral part of your life,
it must be devastating. And then on top of that, she betrayed your trust, shat on your love and so forth, it's cruel.

But I think you'll eventually heal. It'll take time I believe. Perhaps, seek counselling/therapy, it may help you to heal from the aftermath. Or perhaps seek out activities and hobbies that'll make you feel confident and happy within yourself, then just take life from there, a day at a time. There's no time constraints, just take your time. It may be a lengthy process, but it doesn't matter.