Beyond broken

Ok i guess this is just a way for me to vent ive hated everyone on this planet pretty much since i was 12 everything changed that year for me and i learned to trust noone ive had one pointless relationship after another i guess some people said i liked the abuse i had two straight years of h*** 12-14 all you might be saying how much h*** could she of went through well we will start by i had my virginity taken at 12 not willing and in 2008 he finally went to jail 7 years later after that i had been with so many guys i cant give you a number i know its bad and i regret it now but back then i wanted love and i thought thats what they had it mind i learned quickly they didnt i had a handfull of people that actually loved me and it scared me to the point where i ran from anyone that actually cared i had one friend stay through it all and recently it went past friendship i love him unconditionally and it terrifys me for multiple reasons one im only 20 two im married (not to him) three i have two kids and four we live 132 miles apart ive driven to see him weve stayed together and everything and before you all start my husband knows we seperated for two months because of it honestly i just walked away from him after 10 years and the main reasoning being my husband has 7 years of my life and my kids and two it terrifys me that someone could care about me as much as he does and hes never lied to me but why do i still feel like its impossible for him to feel that way for me i mean ive always been the person to be screaming you cant love two people you cant its not right but i had a big smack in the face that you can i love my husband because hes the father of m y two kids and hes been there through alot even though not all times were good i love my friend because hes always been there for me i can tell anything to and he understands and never judges me i guess at this point im so broken down emotionally that if it wasnt for my kids i dont know how id wake up everyday im back with my husband and i thought id being woohoo about it but im still depressed and hoping something changes soon and i doubt any of you will read this much and thats fine to me the point is i said it its off my chest and i feel better


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  • You're so young and you've been through so much. Maybe you need some time alone to really gain perspective on what you (not who) need in your life. Get happy..Maybe even talk with a therapist can help. Also, since you have two little ones you have to make sure that any decisions you make can really affect them, so really consider putting their needs before yours.

  • get your needs and wants in order and change you seek will follow.

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