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I can't stand being a mom
I am 21 years old with two kids neither of them planed. I was on the depo with the first and the implant with the 2nd. They are 2 and 1. I suffer from depression anxiety PTSD and borderline personality disorder. Yah I get it I'm a f***** up person... I had my life planed out. I was gonna go into the navy. I was studying and working my a$$ off so I can score high enough for the field I wanted to go in.... But nope here comes my first. I loved being prego and I loved looking at the new baby. But I couldn't wait for the 6-8weeks we're up so I can go back to work. I use to stay out with friends at night after I put him to sleep. At the time his dad lived with me n my parents. I didn't want to care for him any more. I was doing it on my own. 24/7 when I asked for help I got it threwn in my face later on. Or they get ** off. My sec on came and I wanted to put her up for adoption but then my mom tells me I would be a horrible person for doing that. Keeping on kid and not the other. When my daughter was 3 months old. I took off to a different state. I didn't care anymore and those 2 weeks felt amazing!!! I was myself I was happy and living my life. When I came back home ** hit. I ended up moving out with my daughter dad but I worked ALL the time. I didn't want to be around any of them. I found my new man and I love him more then anything. We moved out to where I am now. Let's just say. I have been on meds since I got here which was 6 months ago. And no drug could ever fix the feelings I have. I love my kids yes BC they came from me. But I'm done. I want to go back to school FULL time and work my ** off FULL time and get my life right. Like I had planed. I'm sorry if I sound like a horrible mother. I just that you for listening
So is that you are with your new man but without your kids? I'm confused. Why don't you see if your parents will assume custodial rights of both. Or see if their fathers will sign away parental rights or assume primary/perm custody and you will relinquish your rights. Your other option and you still need the father's permission would be to put both children into foster care or work with an agency to find a loving family looking for 2 kids. While they are young, they could be placed fairly quickly. Because maybe that would be a better situation for them, then with you. But if you do that, you should look into getting your tubes tied and plan on never having any more children in the future. You really need to figure out something sooner than later. Your son is old enough to have some memory of you and hopefully won't have abandonment issues. Your daughter is young enough that she won't have any real memories of you. You're 21 and pretty selfish. If you love them, do the right thing for them. Parenting is not for everyone.
You should give the kids to someone who will love them and give them a good life.
I doubt if the navy would take you. I can just imagine them investigating why you make dumb decisions like er maybe not one but two kids.