Caught my wife pooping..so i divorced her .

She said she's off to pee while were watching a movie, now she's been gone 5 minutes and i knew something was up, i knocked on the door and asked if everything is ok, she said yes she'll be right out...her voice was labored and i became suspicious...so i yelled "I"M COMING IN!' she screamed no but there was no stopping this, i smashed through the door and i see her sitting on the toilet seat, i told her to get the f** up, she didnt so i threw her off, i looked inside the toilet...just as i suspected, a goddam log, b**** u better pray this isnt yours. i looked around and saw no pet in site, I KNOW THIS IS UR P*** U W****, she screamed at me that im crazy and that shes calling the cops, all the while toilet paper in her hands. i told her no need to call the cops, im divorcing u u some kinda p*** w****. and that was that. I feel like a new man and off to find a wife who doesnt p***

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78 Comments

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  • Retarded m***

  • Funny OP, and yeah pretty much dis, enjoy the days of s*** modesty until she accidentially lets one rip in front of you. Once it is out in the open and she thinks you can giggle about it pandoras s*** box is open and it can never be shut.

  • Caught one girlfriend pooping on my kitchen floor in the middle of the night, caught another pooping in my driveway. It's actually pretty common. thats what happens if youre no good at training them, you should probably just look into getting a professional to handle them in the future.

  • Your girl friend s**** bro....Thats gross. Mine doesn't and if she did i would honestly break up with her. Girls aren't supposed to s*** it just disappears out of their tummies everyone knows this.

  • Lol

  • ................ next time you p*** i hope somebody beats you down......

  • YOU guys are such idiots as i can't believe many posters took the OP seriously. Of course he's trolling\joking you morons, just WOW !!!! look at comments and how angry are you @posters !!!! Take it with a humor, it meant to be funny.

    FYI. i am not OP and it's my first comments on this post .

  • Yes, break up with her. You are not mature enough to have a girlfriend\wife.

  • You'd be doing her a favour if you did, no girl wants a troll.

  • If you do then you'd be a right j***. She's right, all girls p***. So do all guys, its natural. So you accidentally walked in on her? It is embarrassing, yes, but no reason to dump her. You'd have to be a really shallow and uncaring boyfriend to dump her for doing nature's business.

  • Trolls gonna troll. case closed.

  • Have you caught her breathing yet? Look, it's awkward sure, but what h*** are you gonna break up with some one for something like that that for, I'm sure your **** isn't smelling like flowers,

  • You're such a liar. Girls don't p***

  • OMG Girls do not p***!

    This is extremely abnormal, break up with her. Call the psych ward and take her in!

  • WHAT! this is a clear indication that your relationship will be a mess. I would never allow my gf to p***. You should dump her because of it. She is so weird!

  • Dude, you act like she dumped on your bed! Chill out and learn to knock!

  • Stop being an idiot, everyone poops and sometimes it stinks. Just because you have some romantic delusion about girls is no reason to think less of her. Think of some of the rotters you dropped into the toilet and understand she is human like you. Did you think she smelled like perfume and flowers all the time.?

  • Silly man, women don't p***!

  • I walked in on my girlfriend the other day and it smelled so bad in the bathroom. I ran out and shut the door but could still hear loud noises coming from inside. She said all girls p***, do I break up with her?

  • Ok XD im literally ROFLing!!! haha...seriously..iv been laughin at this for like five minutes....I CANT STOPPP!!

  • Its blatantly obvious, your wife is a man, because everyone knows women DO NOT p***

  • WTF

  • Have you ever considered a*** bypass surgery? Its a little pricey but worth it, i had my wife get it done and its worked wonders.

    If you dont know how it works ill briefly explain

    the colon and small intestine are removed and replaced with a small incinerator which fuels a complement generator. so whenever she has to poo she end up hearing something like "your hair looks great" or "have you been working out" it comes with a simulation of your voice so she thinks your saying it. and as we all learned in Bio 101 women can survive solely on complements and water. So in the end it cuts down mess, time away from sport center because she is no longer constipated and nagging all the time, and cuts down on price of food (as you only need to feed her once and the cycle begins)

  • You all are so ignorant! Pooping or the technical term secretion is a natural bodily function for any human being! As well as farting!
    Now as for my answer.
    If she's to the point where she literally can't stop then take her to the doctor.
    If it's just a little case of diarrhea then give her lots of bananas.

  • Sounds like you've got yourself a real pickle there.
    I blame feminism for giving women this stupid notion that they're allowed to p***. Everyone knows that's the man's job.

    Here' my professional opinion: Try hitting her a few times while cursing loudly. If that doesn't work, threaten her favorite pet or child. Finally, if neither of those options get the job done, take her to your local doctor or veterinarian- A few simple stitches will close that hole for good!

    Afterwords, have her cook you a steak to celebrate. If she's really good, you can even let her rub your feet!

    And remember, if she gives you any sass, don't be afraid to let the back of your hand remind her who's got the pants in this relationship!

  • I have the same problem, I've taken all the fiber out of her diet. I hid the Activia. I replaced all the Benefiber with Splenda. WHY IS SHE STILL POOPING????? I've told her so many times how I feel about women pooping and since she wouldn't listen, I had to take matters into my own hands. I even mildly sedated so that she wouldn't think about pooping and go to the bathroom. However, we've run out of Depends and she's still pooping.

  • F you are being completely serious... then I have to say you are pretty screwed up. Taking fiber out of her diet will just make her stool less wholesome and more runny. She may have irritable bowel syndrome which makes her go to the bathroom very often. If it bothers you that much, then you need to disappear when she goes to the bathroom.

  • Are you sure your wife actually exist and not a part of your marijuana induced hallucinations ?

  • Is ur wife hot ?

  • 6/10 trolling, not bad. Minus 3 for the due for the of originality and minus 1 for poor English .

  • .......sometimes..................a b**** just need a beating........

  • You aren't just trashy. You're actual trash. Your wife is lucky you're gone.

  • You clearly are a f*cking idiot. The OP is not serious .

  • Good call, now she will find a better man instead a crook who thinks women are not humans

  • Not funny. Not edgy. Not smart. Not true.

  • #fakenews

  • No sh*t !! It's fake...it cannot be !!

  • Stupid.

  • School boy acting troll

  • How many of these comments are from the OP? I'm guessing most of them.

  • ITS TIME TO CALL ASYLUM OP .

  • Are you out of your mind dude? all humans fart and POO, good thing you divorced her that she won't suffer the rest of her life with mentally compromised patient like you and find a sane man .

  • My ex used to drag me into the bathroom so we could continue our conversation while she pooped. It was cute.

  • Hehe, just wait until you are married with children. You'll find out that not only does your wife p***...but the kids p*** too. And for some reason, kids can never remember to flush the damned toilette, so you'll be a witness to the #2's!!

  • OP may need to go to kindergarten to read this:

    EVERYONE PO*PS BY TARO GOMI

  • I don't know if I could date a girl if I knew she pooped :|

  • OP should marry a robot . Problem solved .

  • My girlfriend has digestive problems so this happens all the time. i have no idea why I find it so hilarious every single ****in time.

  • My GF will fart in bed on purpose and laugh about it. I laugh everytime. I don't pay attention to the bathroom part too much. But I have never seen her do anything beside pee with the door open though.

  • Ex of mine used to trap me between her thighs when i went down on her, she threatened to fart if i didn't speed up with the tongue work.. a few times she actually did it. Made me so hard my d*** started to hurt...

  • Bullsh*t. Women don't p*** or fart.

  • This

  • Maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe she wanted to see if you were into the whole scat thing.

  • EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  • You should have done it back to her on her chest for revenge .

  • Really good job playing it cool man. You did the right thing.

  • That's the best thing I have read all day

  • My dad told me that only fat ugly wives do that .

  • Is ur mum fat ?

  • :^O [face_cry] :^O

  • I think that would equal a instant dump (no pun) if my girl did that.

  • Reminds me of the Tucker Max story, except his was a whole lot funnier and was actually probably real.

  • Pics or it didn't happen.

  • Trollllllllllllllllllllll

  • This was the stupidest thing i've read all day.

  • What an inconsiderate nasty sloot.

  • Go nc right now.... girls dont p*** op youre married to a guy

  • Been dating for about 6 months. Went to use the bathroom and noticed there was toilet paper in there. To my curiosity, my guess was that there was a small piece a t*** hiding bellow it.

    I flushed the toilet and held down the lever and the toilet bowl began to fill like it was clogged. Unwrapped from the toilet paper comes out a small piece of p*** which floats to the top of the water. It finally goes away. I had two options, tell her what I saw or don't tell her. I told her because to see the look of embarrassment. She admitted forgetting to flush the toilet a third time. Srs

  • Sorry brah it was bound to happen eventually

  • Break up. It will never be the same.

  • Girls don't p*** or fart, so the story is fake .

  • U did the right thing bro, ur wife must be a man or some kind of mutant

  • What the f*** ?

  • God, you're an idiot.

  • #sickfuck #verysickfuck

  • Your parents must be so happy their little r***** is all grow up.

  • I’m dead πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • Your f***** up.

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